Now I’m squeaky clean. Well, except for my hair. But I never wash that because this style cost me a fortune.
Anonymous photographer L.W., who produced nice images for September and December, returns this week with another nice glamour shot of an unknown model. Sadly, we still have no idea who L.W. is, and we probably never will, because this is the last of his contributions to Goodtime Weekly, and in fact the entire calendar ends next week. That’s right, we’ve gone through fifty-one images and have one more to go.
Feb 10: “Marriage is like a warm bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.”—Joey Adams
Feb 11: Both a blond secretary and an IBM typewriter have something electric.
Feb 12: “Would anyone explain this: Why a woman will scream at a mouse but smile at a wolf?”—He-who Who-he
Feb 13: If you think the Twist is hot, you should see the kids doing it on ice. It’s burning the ice.
Feb 14: “The hardest thing about skating on ice is when you get right down to it.”—Sam Cowling
Feb 15: “I believe in big families. Every woman should have three husbands.”—Zsa Zsa Gabor
Feb 16: “Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.”—Paul Gibson
Update: Actually, because we scan these pages a few weeks in advance, we forgot that we had some in our hard drive. Next week is not the last week of Goodtime. There are three weeks to go.
Here's the latest page from Goodtime Weekly with a shot from Don Ornitz of February 1958 Playboy centerfold Cheryl Kubert. Kubert is a bit of a mystery. Early Playboy centerfolds were pretty demure, and she showed less than normal. She had already appeared in magazines such as Pageant, Gala and Argosy, and after her Playboy appearance was featured in their 1959 calendar, but after that there’s only a bit appearance in the movie Pal Joey, and a bit part in 1980’s Smokey and the Judge. She died in 1989, supposedly from suicide. The calendar quips are below.
Jan 20: “Many a girl is only as strong as her weakest wink.”—Sam Cowling
Jan 21: “A girl is grown up when she stops counting on her fingers and starts counting on her legs.”—Irv Kupcinet
Jan 22: “A wizard is a man who can describe—without gesture—an accordion or a girl.”—Quin Ryan
Jan 23: “Fashion is what a her does to a hem to get a him.”—Joe Hamilton
Jan 24: “A clever girl is one who knows how to give a man her own way.”—Tom Poston
Jan 25: “The greatest mystery in the world is a woman who is a bachelor.”—Loretta Young
Jan 26: “A confirmed bachelor is a guy who’ll go to a drive-in on a motorcycle.”—Scott Brady
Goodtime Weekly Calendar
, Pal Joey
, Cheryl Kubert
, Don Ornitz
, Scott Brady
, Tom Poston
, Loretta Young
, Joe Hamilton
, Quin Ryan
, Irv Kupcinet
, Sam Cowling
Above, the latest page of the Goodtime Weekly Calendar of 1963, with a Tom Kelley image of a model that is unknown to us. This is Kelley's fourth page in the calendar, and you can see his others by clicking his keyword below.
Jan 13: “A woman never forgets her sex. She would rather talk with a man than an angel any day.”—O.W. Holmes
Jan 14: “In Hawaii, girls wear grass skirts. I used to watch and wait for the grass to catch on fire.”—Red Skelton
Jan 15: “A mermaid is half girl and more fish than you need.”—Jack Paar
Jan 16: “A capella is when you come out of the shower to answer a televised telephone.”—Johnny Carson
Jan 17: “A blonde is superior to a cat; a cat can only dye nine times.”—Sam Cowling
Jan 18: “Years ago a nice girl wouldn’t think of holding her date’s hand; now she has to.”—He-who Who-he
Jan 19: “A girl wants to buy a referee’s whistle, because she has a date with a basketball player.”—Quin Ryan
We’ve always preferred women who keep a little fur between their legs.
Because the end is near as regards the Goodtime Weekly Calendar (the last pages will come up in February) we’ve been looking high and low for another weekly calendar to post. We found only one. It was on Amazon, it was the calendar we already have, and it was priced at $75. Even though we scored ours for three bucks from the Denver Book Fair last time we were in the U.S., we probably shouldn’t have been surprised someone was trying to sell it for so much. Nearly every Goodtime Weekly photo we’ve posted, including shots of Brigitte Bardot and Jayne Mansfield, as well as work from photographers like Russ Meyer and Ron Vogel, have been images that have never appeared online before. The same is true of this week’s effort from Tom Kelley, who also shot the most famous Marilyn Monroe photo of all time. His model, whose identity is unknown to us, is rather provocatively posed. In fact the Pulp Intl. girlfriends said it was the most sexual pose of any of our calendar shots. She does look a bit as if she’s sitting on a Sybian. Maybe that’s why she has such a satisfied expression on her face.
Dec 1: “A woman is the only being that can skin a wolf and get a mink.”—Sam Cowling
Dec 2: “People who live in glass houses should dress in the dark.”—Freddie Flintstone.
Dec 3: “She isn’t really stupid, but the last time she went to a mind reader she didn’t have to pay.”—Jerry Lester
Dec 4: “A woman worried so much about growing old that she turned blonde overnight.”—Earl Wilson
Dec 5: “If a woman doesn’t get the one she wants to marry, heaven help the one she gets.”—Rose Franzblau
Dec 6: “When a gal marries a man to mend his ways, she usually finds out he isn’t worth a darn.”—John Doremus.
Dec 7: Girls who try to be walking encyclopedias may notice that reference books are never taken out.
How to be nude and fully clothed at the same time.
Above is a shot of Jayne Mansfield from Bernard Wagner showing the actress in a nude evening dress that covers her bits with a few stars and sparkles. We also love the Paris street-style matte painting behind her. Since we had both the name of the model and photographer, we were able to do an extensive search on the web and did not encounter this shot anywhere, which means we’re going to claim that this is the first time it’s appeared online. Always a proud moment. The weekly observations are below, and we’re guessing that the quip for November 27 has something to do with typesetting, but we couldn’t find any references to “Mansfield type” anywhere. Anyone have a clue on that? Drop us a line.
Nov 24: This is also true for a common cold: Sometimes the eyes have it and sometimes the nose.
Nov 25: Thanksgiving Day. Did you hear about a woman who sewed a zipper on her turkey?
Nov 26: “That’s true about Jayne Mansfield. She does use two dressing rooms.”—George Burns
Nov 27: Some places won’t hire Mansfield type anymore. The reason: They can’t get close enough to the machines.
Nov 28: “Many kids claim their dates are cheaper-ruined.”—Bob Banner
Nov 29: “Two hearts may beat as one but the mouths eat separately.”
Nov 30: “Most women don’t want you to kiss them. They just want you to want to.”—Jerry Lester
Update: Here's an e-mail we got from a reader named Lisa that may solve the mystery of the non-sensical quip.
This might be too old to care about, but the author thought that "Some places won’t hire Mansfield type anymore. The reason: They can’t get close enough to the machines" was a joke about typesetting. But it seems more likely that there's just a typo in the line. It should read "Some places won't hire Mansfield to type anymore." Then the second sentence makes sense.
Thank you, Lisa. It's amazing how long we can look at something and still simply not see things like that. That's why the extra eyes of readers are so important to us.
Update two: Here's Lisa again, with an even better take on this.
Well, I was basking in my typo-spotting glory on Facebook when a couple of friends pointed out that the joke is just as likely--maybe *more* likely--to be "some places won't hire Mansfield types anymore". Then the "they" in the second sentence is referring to "Mansfield types," which makes even more sense. And that's how vintage materials research is done, folks! Sorry to force a potential new update on you.
No worries, Lisa. We're flattered that anything we do would cause you to bask. What are you wearing right now? Never mind. Now that you've got us seeing the line in all its myriad possibilties, we might as well throw a third option—"Mansfield's type"—out there as well. That will certainly cover the gamut. Er, we think.
Not sure what type of tree this is exactly, but let’s head over to the plant nursery and pick up a few.
Above is a very interesting shot for the Goodtime Weekly Calendar of 1963 featuring a blonde in a tree stump. Very strange, which is perhaps why the photo is credited to anonymous. Kudos to the brave model. As far as the Goodtime Weekly quips go, they’ve been mostly ho-hum up to this point. A few have been mean spirited, or disrespectful, or just plain incoherent, but because acceptable humor changes over time, we chalked those up to the social mores of the early 1960s. This week, though, the Goodtime boys go careening off the rails with a Halloween quip that refers to beating women and dogs. The lyrical wording hints at an ancient provenance, but old or not, when Goodtime Weekly reprinted it without irony or apology, they took ownership of it, as far as we’re concerned. We’re always restrained here about judging previous generations by today’s standards, if no for other reason than to hopefully receive the same benefit of the doubt thirty or forty years from now when young people look at the things we’ve done. But there are exceptions. Joking about beating women is fucked up, and it was fucked up in 1963. Of that, we are pretty sure. Anyway, we don’t want to get too high and mighty about it, so that’s all we’ll say about it except that we hope for better from here onward.
Oct 27: “Many a bachelor longs for a wife who will take care of him—and so does many a husband.”—Frances Rodman
Oct 28: “A lucky man had a wife and a cigarette lighter—they both worked.”—Milt Newton
Oct 29: With Italian hairdos and French looks on American women, now everyone has a foreign affair of his own.
Oct 30: Never a lip that can’t be kissed into smiles.
Oct 31: A woman, a dog, and a walnut tree, the more you beat ’em, the better they be.
Nov 1: Romance: a sport in which the animal that gets caught has to buy the license.
Nov 2: Never run after a bus or a woman. There’ll always be another one along in a minute.”—Sam Cowling
Chestnuts roasting by an open fire.
After a few weeks of uncharacteristically normal models, the guys from Goodtime Weekly get back to business as usual with a photo from Ron Vogel and model who is—there’s no other phrase—enormously endowed. Autumn is here, after all, so perhaps she symbolizes the stockpiling of food for winter, the horn of plenty filled with inexhaustible gifts, the warmth sought on cold nights. Or maybe they just liked big boobs. Anyway, we said last week we’d try a few of the Goodtime quips in the real world, and, “Ahhh!” Ahhh haaah!” was usually the reaction. Or, “That’s, um—where did you hear that?” But a few went over well. So experiment inconclusive. We’ll continue testing during the next couple of weeks, because the American expat clique has a few Halloween related social gatherings coming up. When we’re done with this experiment we will know definitively whether Goodtime Weekly humor is timeless, or should simply be forgotten.
Oct 20: “Mother-in-law: A woman who arranged a match for her daughter and then intends to referee as well.”—Pat Buttram
Oct 21: “Bar bells are sometimes easier to pick up than bar bills.”—Sam Cowling
Oct 22: “The wife of an archaeologist says, ‘The older I get the better I look to my husband.’”—Phyllis Diller
Oct 23: “A bore is a person who talks when you wish him to listen.”—Ambrose Bierce
Oct 24: Cars are not the only things that can hit and run a man down; gossipers have done worse.
Oct 25: “A perfect husband is one who can understand every word his wife isn’t saying.”—Sig Sakowicz
Oct 26: “Some wives cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go,”—Freddie Flintstone
When she says jump you ask how high.
Some call it cheesecake, glamour, or even smut, but we prefer to call it preserving the ephemera of history. For instance, this image by the renowned mid-century photographer Bruno Bernard, aka Bernard of Hollywood, did not exist on the internet a moment ago. And now it does. See how that works? So think of us as archivists, and yourselves as researchers. That probably won’t help if someone sees you looking at this image, but hey, it’s worth a try.
Of late, when reading the Goodtime Weekly quips, we’ve been imagining them delivered as part of a stand-up show—i.e., followed by uproarious laughter. That actually helps a bit. When we obey the two drink minimum that helps even more. Next we’re going to steal a few of these lines and try them out in the real world. After all, the true test of a quip is whether actual living and breathing, flesh and blood humans laugh at it. So we’re going to give some of these a trial run and get back to you. Stay tuned.
Oct 13: Mother Nature still blushes before disrobing.
Oct 14: “Sometimes a man pulls the wool over his wife’s eyes with the wrong yarn.”—Mitch Miller
Oct 15: “Have you heard of an elephant that went on a diet? Now he’s eating like a horse.”—Peggie Castle
Oct 16: “The ten best years of a woman’s life are between her 25th and 26th birthday.”—Jerry Lester
Oct 17: “Overheard at a restaurant: ‘She promised to love, honor, and obey. Now I’d settle for only one.’”—Irv Kupcinet
Oct 18: “Every husband knows the best time to wash the dishes is right after his wife tells him.”—Paul Gibson
Oct 19: “Husbands are like furnaces. You have to watch them or they’ll go out.”—Sam Cowling
Guess nobody told her using cosmetics sparingly gives the best results.
Russ Meyer is back with another shot for the Goodtime Weekly Calendar of 1963, and there are immediately two points of interest here. First, Meyer found a model he liked that didn’t have double-d boobs, which is very equal opportunity of him, considering his track record. Second, the model went nuts around the eyes with her makeup. Words of advice—you know you’ve drawn a little too much arch in your eyebrows if random people keep looking at you and saying, “I’m sorry, did you just ask me something?”
Oct 6: The blue sky and golden leaves are really beautiful—even the wind whistles at them.
Oct 7: “Domestic harmony is music produced only if the husband plays second fiddle.”—Freddie Flintstone
Oct 8: “I have my wife well trained; she never opens my letters—unless they’re marked ‘personal’.”—Jack Herbert
Oct 9: An expensive wife is like a commanding officer at war. Whatever store she is in, she yells, “Charge!”
Oct 10: Yawning is a device of nature to enable husbands to open their mouths.
Oct 11: “All domestic trouble stems from two things—women and their mothers.”—Sam Cowling
Oct 12: “Today we honor Christopher Columbus—only in America could it happen!”
A better world can start right here in this bathtub.
Above is nice photo of an unidentified model from photog L.W. for the week beginning September 15, 1963. We still have no idea who L.W. is, but as always, nice work. This shot is particularly flattering and respectful. The Goodtime Weekly editors, on the other hand, are up to their old tricks putting women down. Some weeks their collections of comments can be kind of cute, but this week’s quips see women labeled suspicious, annoying, and empty-headed. Gotta say, we find it curious the Goodtime guys are so convinced men are smarter than women, especially since men have been running the world since before the dawn of recorded history and the planet is well and truly fucked. Doesn’t really seem like the work of brilliant thinkers. Sorry to break ranks guys, but it had to be said. Also, our girlfriends like it when we agree with them. And that’s smart.
Sep 15: “Call a rose by any other name and she’ll think you’ve been cheating on her.”—Freddie Flintstone
Sep 16: If you take all that make-up off some women, you’ll find them invisible.
Sep 17: “Adam was the happiest man on Earth—he had no mother-in-law.”—Sam Cowling
Sep 18: Holding on to a man is usually harder than to get one.
Sep 19: “A sewing circle: A group of women who needle each other.”—Barry Sullivan
Sep 20: Kindergarten teacher: A woman who makes the little things count.
Sep 21: “Before falling for a pair of bright eyes make sure it isn’t the sun shining thru the back of her head.”—Henry Cooke
The headlines that mattered yesteryear.
1967—Nation of Sealand Established
The Principality of Sealand, located on a platform in the North Sea, is established under the rule of Prince Paddy Roy Bates. Proving that paradise is a pipe dream as long as humans are involved, Sealand has already endured a coup, a war, and a hostage crisis since its formation.
1973—J.R.R. Tolkien Dies
British fantasy novelist J.R.R. Tolkien, author of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings trilogy, dies at the age of 82.
1902—French Go to Moon
Georges Méliès' Le voyage dans la lune, aka A Trip to the Moon, is released in France. It is the first science-fiction film ever made.
1939—Germany Starts World War II
Nazi Germany, along with the Soviet Union and Slovakia, attack Poland, beginning the chain reaction that leads to war across Europe.
1972—Fischer Beats Spassky
In Reykjavík, Iceland, American Bobby Fischer beats Russian Boris Spassky and becomes the world chess champion. The match had been portrayed as a Cold War battle, and thus was a major propaganda victory for the United States.
1948—Mitchum and Leeds Snared in Drug Raid
Actor Robert Mitchum and actress Lila Leeds are arrested in a Hollywood drug raid and convicted of criminal conspiracy to possess marijuana. Mitchum serves 43 days in jail
, but in 1951 the conviction is overturned when it is exposed as a set-up. The entire episode has zero effect on his popularity. Leeds, conversely
, becomes a heroin addict while behind bars and is never able to rekindle her career.
1997—Princess Diana Killed in Accident
Princess Diana dies after a car crash in the Pont de l'Alma tunnel in Paris, along with Egyptian jet-setter Dodi Al-Fayed, and driver Henri Paul, who loses control of the car while attempting to elude paparazzi. Despite lengthy resuscitation attempts, including internal cardiac massage, Diana dies at 4 a.m. local time. Her funeral six days later is watched by an estimated 2.5 billion people worldwide.
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