| Vintage Pulp | Mar 1 2024 |
Their grades aren't great but their extracurriculars are incomparable.
Two years ago we shared a brilliant Japanese poster for Schulmädchen-Report 5. Teil - Was Eltern wirklich wissen sollten, aka Schoolgirl Report Part 5: What All Parents Should Know. Above you see an alternate poster, front and back. It's a strange movie, part of a series of thirteen, which you can read about here.
JapanSchulmädchen-Report 5. Teil - Was Eltern wirklich wissen solltenSchoolgirl Report Part 5: What All Parents Should KnowSonja Jeannineposter artcinemasexploitationnudity
| Vintage Pulp | Mar 2 2022 |
Everyone in class is expected to give an oral presentation.
The Japanese poster you see here, which is quite striking, was made to promote the West German sexploitation movie Schulmädchen-Report 5. Teil - Was Eltern wirklich wissen sollten. Quite a mouthful. In English it was known as Schoolgirl Report Part 5: What All Parents Should Know. Still a mouthful. There's a reason for that. These films, of which thirteen were made, are legendary—or maybe infamous is the appropriate word—for pioneering the idea of sexploitation flicks as documentaries. We've talked about a few of them, specifically numbers three, seven, and eleven. The tail end of the title for this one—What All Parents Should Know—gives the film a gloss of scholarship, as if scientific research went into its making. But it was a fig leaf. People watched these movies to see nudity and sex, not to educate themselves. And if anyone actually hoped for education, well, they were steered horribly wrong.
The movie consists of six vignettes. In the first, three high schoolers bet during a rural field trip that they can lay their straight arrow teacher. In the second, a man is seduced by his granddaughter and ends up on trial. And so it goes, from scenario to scenario, all of them strange. None of the performers involved, female or male, would win a beauty contest, but a few are appealing, such as Sonja Jeannine, who features on the poster, and Ingrid Steeger, who was a stalwart in sexploitation films and men's magazines. While a couple of the vignettes have serious undertones, they're mostly meant to be tongue-in-cheek. What is incredibly serious, though, is how far the envelope gets pushed thematically. Grandfather/granddaughter incest? That's not good at all. We can't recommend the film, but we love the poster. You won't see it anywhere else. Schulmädchen-Report 5 premiered in Sweden in 1973 and opened in Japan today in 1974.
"Oh, come on, grandpa! I'm sure your heart will be just fine."
"Heh heh, I have to admit, my dear—that get-up is a lot sexier than the bunny pajamas you used to wear."
"I'm out of order? I'm out of order? Your Honor, are you kidding me? She's out of order!"
JapanWest GermanySchulmädchen-Report 5. Teil - Was Eltern wirklich wissen solltenSchoolgirl Report Part 5: What All Parents Should KnowSonja JeannineUlrike ButzPuppa ArmbrusterJudith FritschCleo KretschmerMarisa FeldyMarina Blümelposter artcinemasexploitationnuditymovie review
| Vintage Pulp | Apr 5 2018 |
Seventh movie in famed sexploitation series has plenty to report.
After taking a little break you can be sure we'd return to posting by showing you something unusual, so above you see a beautiful Japanese poster for the West German sexploitation comedy Schulmädchen-Report 7. Teil - Doch das Herz muß dabei sein. It's a mouthful, we know. The title would translate as “schoolgirl report part 7 - but the heart must be there.” This word salad was changed for the film's English language release to merely Teenage Playmates. It was the seventh of thirteen films in the Schulmädchen-Report series and is generally regarded as one of the better entries—though having not seen all of them we can't corroborate that. Among its large cast are Elke Deuringer, Ulrike Butz, and Puppa Armbruster. The movie is also said by various websites, including IMDB, to feature Christina Lindberg, but she's not in it. It would be better if she were, but no such luck, and we aren't even sure how that rumor sprouted, except that the cast is uncredited and people have bad eyes.
Plotwise, when a bunch of high school aged brothel workers are arrested they tell a judge and court filled with scandalized spectators how they ended up in such circumstances. Thus the entire film is just a framework for sex vignettes. Our favorite quote: “Naturally I touched my breasts in the shower. Which are erogenous zones according to The Atlas of Sexual Education. My nipples got hard and my... my... my... how should I describe it? My pussy became aroused.” Movies like this fall into the could-not-be-made-today category, which is a good thing—though we should note that all the alleged high schoolers were actors in their twenties, some considerably so. Which will be obvious when you look at the promo images below. After premiering in West Germany in 1974 Schulmädchen-Report 7. Teil - Doch das Herz muß dabei sein reached Japan today in 1975.
Update 2020: The movie still doesn't have Christina Lindberg in it. She did not magically appear. We actually sent a note to IMDB about it with a link to Lindberg's correct Swedish Wikipedia filmography, and it went ignored. Not a good endorsement for internet accuracy, nor the responsiveness of crowd sourced sites.
Fuck—I look at least twenty-five. I guess it's true what they say about this life aging you.
Oh, ah, the fact that some people mistake me for Christina Lindberg is a real turn on!
I'll leave the glasses on, if you don't mind. When this all comes out in court later I'll need to describe you accurately.
Mmm... fuzzy. I love you Mr. Zwetschgenkuchenbear.
The teen brothel is on the third floor. This floor sells designer handbags. Buy one for a woman and you'll get laid even faster than going to a hooker. You'll learn that later in life.
Who's in the mood for kochwurst? Kochwurst, everyone? Okay, kochwurst for all of us, please, waiter. Thanks.
The Atlas of Sexual Education says we're rounding second base. Next stop—deeply unfulfilling sex for pay.
Police! This is a raid! Girls—you're all under arrest! Men—all of you go home and revel in the fact that male privilege lets you off scot-free!JapanWest GermanySchulmädchen-Report 7. Teil - Doch das Herz muß dabei seinSchulmädchen ReportTeenage PlaymatesUlrike ButzElke DeuringerPuppa ArmbrusterSonja JeannineChristina Lindbergposter artcinemasexploitationnuditymovie review
| Vintage Pulp | Feb 17 2017 |
Your high school was never like this.
Let's double up on the sexploitation today. The Schulmädchen-Report, or Schoolgirl Report series tries to pass itself off as an educational exploration of different aspects of youthful sexuality, but really it's about as informative as an abstinence class, except much more likely to turn you celibate. The third entry, Schulmädchen-Report 3. Teil—Was Eltern nicht mal ahnen, aka Schoolgirls Growing Up, aka Schoolgirl Report Part 3: What Parents Find Unthinkable, is racy stuff, far beyond the pale for casual filmgoers, some of it undoubtedly illegal to film today. To get an idea, consider that the U.S. version of this is twenty minutes shorter than the uncut international version. And yet, it isn't a porno film. There's no actual sex—just relentless stretching of the deviancy envelope, for example a chapter dealing with incest, and another dealing with the sexual urges of two underage kids. So really, the cut version is better because it doesn't make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. Trimmed, you get a film that's harmless, if occasionally tasteless, but fun in parts. We can't go so far as to recommend it, but doubtless some will like it—the series had twelve iterations, after all, which tells you that it did have redeeming qualities. Schulmädchen-Report 3. Teil premiered in West Germany today in 1972.
FranceWest GermanySchulmädchen-Report 3. Teil—Was Eltern nicht mal ahnenSchulmädchen ReportSchoolgirls Growing UpSchoolgirl Report Part 3: What Parents Find Unthinkableposter artcinemasexploitationmovie review
| Femmes Fatales | Nov 10 2013 |
Actually, we’re more legmen ourselves...
Above, German actress Ini Assmann—yes, Assmann—who appeared in such films as Blonde Köder für den Mörder, aka The Blonde Connection and Schulmädchen-Report 6, aka Campus Pussycats, seen here on the rear cover of Girls of the World magazine circa 1970.
GermanyBlonde Köder für den MörderThe Blonde ConnectionSchulmädchen-Report 6Campus PussycatsGirls of the WorldIni Assmanncinema
| Vintage Pulp | Jul 29 2012 |
He's going to turn those Frauen upside down.
Above is a piece of beautiful Japanese promo art for the West German sexploitation flick Mädchen beim Frauenarzt, aka Teenage Sex Report, part of an incredibly popular subgenre of films purporting to inform moviegoers about the sex practices of co-eds. Helmed mainly by Austrian director Ernst Hofbauer, the series of more than thirty films included thirteen entries in the famed Schulmädchen-Report franchise.
Mädchen beim Frauenarzt stars Monika Dahlberg, Christine Schuberth, Brigitte Harrer, Evelyne Traeger and numerous others, and what mostly happens is pretty frauen go to a gynecologist, strip and climb into the stirrups, then we learn in flashback what problems preceded their visits. The girls are presented as studies, complete with superimposed text reading things like “The Case of Ulrike (20),” but even with its medical pretensions Mädchen beim Frauenarzt is a garden-variety 1970s muff-fest.
We support muff-fests. We’re friends of muff-fests. But this is joyless stuff. And certainly, the cervix shots are a touch of clinical verisimilitude we could have done without. All things considered, the Japanese poster, with its dreamy light and cotton candy colors, is false advertising. Because if the movie were half that lighthearted we’d really have something here. But alas, no. Mädchen beim Frauenarzt opened—in more ways than one—in Japan today in 1972.
JapanWest GermanyMädchen beim FrauenarztTeenage Sex ReportSchulmädchen-ReportErnst HofbauerMonika DahlbergChristine SchuberthBrigitte HarrerEvelyne Traegersexploitationposter artcinemamovie review
