WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU

That this tabloid is really bad, but you better get used to seeing it.

In the same way a donut is just a delivery system for sugar, certain tabloids were simply delivery systems for softcore smut. Some, like National Informer Weekly Reader, were so brazen about it you can’t help but laugh. For instance, on the cover of this issue published today in 1972, you see young Cindy (no last name), who wants to be an astronaut. Her story, written by Durr T. Olman, is completely straight-faced all the way until the last paragraph, when it ends with this gem of a quote: “By the time they (Women’s Lib) get around to making them accept female astronauts, I hope to have my education completed so I can qualify. Already I know the alphabet, I can write my name, and do addiction and subtraction!” Cue the rimshot and muted trumpet: waah waah waah. This tabloid is bad. And we don’t mean bad as in good. Even the naked women can’t save it, mainly because after the first few pages they disappear. But guess what? We bought twelve—yes twelve—of these puppies. So get used to National Informer Weekly Reader and its parent publication National Informer, because you’ll be seeing a lot more of them.

National Informer, National Informer Weekly Reader, nudity, tabloid

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HISTORY REWIND

The headlines that mattered yesteryear.

December 10

1935—Downtown Athletic Club Awards First Trophy

The Downtown Athletic Club in New York City awards its first trophy for athletic achievement to University of Chicago halfback Jay Berwanger. The prize is later renamed the Heisman Trophy, and becomes the most prestigious award in college athletics.

December 10

1968—Japan's Biggest Heist Occurs

300 million yen is stolen from four employees of the Nihon Shintaku Ginko bank in Tokyo when a man dressed as a police officer blocks traffic due to a bomb threat, makes them exit their bank car while he checks it for a bomb, and then drives away in it. Under Japanese statute of limitations laws, the thief could come forward today with no repercussions, but nobody has ever taken credit for the crime.

December 9

1965—UFO Reported by Thousands of Witnesses

A large, brilliant fireball is seen by thousands in at least six U.S. states and Ontario, Canada as it streaks across the sky, reportedly dropping hot metal debris, starting grass fires, and causing sonic booms. It is generally assumed and reported by the press to be a meteor, however some witnesses claim to have approached the fallen object and seen an alien craft.

December 8

1980—John Lennon Killed

Ex-Beatle John Lennon is shot four times in the back and killed by Mark David Chapman in front of The Dakota apartment building in New York City. Chapman had been stalking Lennon since October, and earlier that evening Lennon had autographed a copy of his album Double Fantasy for him.

December 7

1941—Japanese Attack Pearl Harbor

The Imperial Japanese Navy sends aircraft to attack the U.S. Pacific Fleet and its defending air forces at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. While the U.S. lost battleships and other vessels, its aircraft carriers were not at Pearl Harbor and survived intact, robbing the Japanese of the total destruction of the Pacific Fleet they had hoped to achieve.