Linguistically, American tabloids are home to some truly fascinating diminutions of the English language. This cover of National Informer from today in 1969 introduces us to the word “freakies”, and inside the issue we are treated to various hubbies, lezzies, beasties, teenies, prosties and girlies. We also get the slightly more esoteric “bushies” for pubic hair. But interestingly, women’s breasts are referred to as “titters”. Go and figure.
Moving ahead, you get a typical slate of sexually suggestive articles, but Informer outdoes itself by offering up a two page spread on how to enlarge the adolescent penis. Are they kidding? Not so much. The article is a primer for parents who are concerned that their kids’ equipment is deficient. They warn that permanent dysfunction could result when these boys have their first sexual experiences and realize they’re hanging light. We submit that permanent dysfunction could result from a kid having his unit examined by his dad.
Finally, we’d be remiss if we didn’t mention The (not so) Amazing Criswell, who offers up another slate of prognostications. He starts with a few obvious predictions he probably got from watching the news (“I predict that the new automobiles will be smaller and less in power…”), then floats off into the ether, telling us that women will soon own 90% of wealth in America and will be able to buy and sell men freely for profit. Could such a world possibly look like this? Then we’re all for it.
