MIRROR, MIRROR

Who’s the fairest of them all?

The boys at Goodtime Weekly are finally finished with marriage as a topic for their quips. Unfortunately, their more eclectic fare leaves a lot to be desired. But we’ve faithfully transcribed their wisdom below. The photo this week, which for some reason brings wedding cakes to our minds, is by Tom Kelley, who provided a similarly dreamy photo earlier this month. The model is unidentified.

June 30: More diets start in front of a mirror than a doctor’s order.

July 1: “If you like to go around with girls—take them on the Ferris wheel.”—Sam Cowling

July 2: Small dolls love to yell “Mommy,” bigger ones, “Money.”

July 3: “She who says ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’ must be a lawyer’s daughter.”—He-who Who-he

July 4: Independence Day. American still ends in “I can.”

July 5: “Interpreting dance: The police interpret it in one way and her lawyer interprets it another.”—Jack Benny

July 6: Summer is the time for flies to make their screen tests.

Goodtime Weekly Calendar, Tom Kelley, Sam Cowling, Jack Benny, nudity

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HISTORY REWIND

The headlines that mattered yesteryear.

September 6

1901—McKinley Fatally Shot

Polish-born anarchist Leon Czolgosz shoots and fatally wounds U.S. President William McKinley at the Pan-American Exposition in Buffalo, New York. McKinley dies September 12, and Czolgosz is later executed.

September 5

1939—U.S. Declares Neutrality in WW II

The Neutrality Acts, which had been passed in the 1930s when the United States considered foreign conflicts undesirable, prompts the nation to declare neutrality in World War II. The policy ended with the Lend-Lease Act of March 1941, which allowed the U.S. to sell, lend or give war materials to allied nations.

September 5

1972—Munich Massacre

During the 1972 Summer Olympics in Munich, West Germany, a paramilitary group calling itself Black September takes members of the Israeli olympic team hostage. Eventually the group, which represents the first glimpse of terrorists for most people in the Western world, kill eleven of the hostages along with one West German police officer during a rescue attempt by West German police that devolves into a firefight. Five of the eight members of Black September are also killed.

September 4

1957—U.S. National Guard Used Against Students

The governor of Arkansas, Orval Faubus, mobilizes the National Guard to prevent nine African-American students known as the Little Rock Nine from enrolling in high school in Little Rock, Arkansas.

September 3

1941—Auschwitz Begins Gassing Prisoners

Auschwitz-Birkenau, the largest of Nazi Germany’s concentration camps, becomes an extermination camp when it begins using poison gas to kill prisoners en masse. The camp commandant, Rudolf HÃ¶ss, later testifies at the Nuremberg Trials that he believes perhaps 3 million people died at Auschwitz, but the Auschwitz-Birkenau State Museum revises the figure to about 1 million.