Gil Brewer was a very popular author internationally, which is why we’re back to him with a Swedish paperback to follow up the German one we showed you a while back. This translation of his 1958 thriller The Red Scarf came from Wennerbergs Publishing as part of its Jaguarböckerna series in 1963, and a more provocative cover femme we can’t say we’ve seen of late. Since guys can’t seem to resist dodgy women (nor can women in vintage crime fiction resist dodgy dudes), we have some rules of thumb we’ve gleaned from crime paperbacks and noir flicks to ensure that your brush with a femme isn’t fatale.
1: Try to accept that despite her often bewildering behavior she has a higher IQ than you. She also has a higher EQ than you. In fact, you’re deficient to her in every socially advantageous quality that’s measureable. Even her credit score is higher.
2: Any sentence from her that starts with, “But darling,” will be a lie. When she tells you she’s never felt this way before, don’t believe her.
3: She’s going to be incredibly expensive. You may have to commit a felony ranging from armed robbery to murder to maintain her in the high style she desires. Accept it early and it’ll be easier to do the crime.
4: Expect to discover that she can sing, enchantingly though not brilliantly, but well enough to have been a mobbed-up nightclub performer in a sordid past she wants to hide from you.
5: Pursuant to the above, understand that in her shadowy history there will be a certain man who will turn up just when you’re feeling good about things. Make sure to have honed your boxing skills. He’ll light you up anyway, but at least you can look competent before you eat sidewalk.
6: Pursuant to the pursuant, you’ll be rendered unconscious at some point. Most likely you’ll be hit over the head, but if that doesn’t happen your femme will drug you. The point is, whether by beating or barbiturate, the dark will snatch you. Come to grips with it.
7: Always assume she carries a gun or has quick access to one. It’s likely in her tiny beaded clutch or under some silken unmentionables in her dresser. Unload it when she’s in the bathroom. This may buy you crucial seconds.
8: She owns only high heels. Even her bedroom slippers are heels. These shoes exist in a quantum state: when you need to move quickly she won’t be able to; when she needs to get away from you after her final stunning betrayal, even in heels she’ll elude you like a figment of your imagination. Don’t ponder it deeply. The universe is mysterious.
9: In the end she loves money as much or more than she loves you. Do not—under any circumstances—make her choose, unless you want to be framed.
10: Lastly, have fun, show her off, and enjoy being widely envied. It takes a certain caliber of man to capture the heart—however briefly or transactionally—of a femme fatale. Focus on that fact and it’ll be easier to replay the high points of your relationship while you’re in prison.
