Recipe for shrunken head à la Pulp Intl. You will need: One human head freshly cut from an enemy*. One large iron pot. Six to eight gallons of water. Five bundles of firewood. One pound of small stones. One pound of sand. Five ounces of plant seeds. Several small wooden pegs. Needle and twine. One bay leaf (optional).
1: Carefully remove skin and hair from head by making incision in back of neck. Sew eyelids shut, seal mouth with wooden pegs, and sew neck slit closed, but leave open the large neck hole where the head was severed. Discard skull or offer as sacrifice to cruel primitive god.
2: Simmer head in water for one to two hours. Be careful not to over boil, as this will cause the hair to come off. Remove head and discard liquid, or add bay leaf and use as soup base.
3: Head should now be one third normal size and rubbery. Carefully turn inside out and scrape remaining flesh away. Discard scraps or save as dog treats.
4: Invert head skin side out once more. Heat stones and sand over fire and insert into head. This will cause more shrinkage.
5: Once head has reached desired size pack in hot sand to set shape and facial features and let bake at low temperature.
6: Remove from sand. Rub wood ash on head to prevent muisak, or avenging soul, from escaping. If you are not superstitious or prefer a lighter colored head skip this step.
7: Fill head with seeds and sew neck hole shut. Hang head several feet over fire to slowly harden. Be careful not to overheat, as hair can ignite.
8: Wear shrunken head around neck to instill terror and revulsion in onlookers. Optionally, it can be fitted with a tiny hat and sunglasses.
And that’s all there is to it, kids. If you want a more detailed recipe or just some interesting context read Lewis Cotlow’s Amazon Head-Hunters and learn how the Jivaro people of Ecuador did it. 1954 copyright on the Signet Giant edition with James Meese cover art.
*Pulp Intl. disavows any responsibility for heads actually cut from enemies.
