ASSET APPRECIATION

Baby, you are something special. And to imagine I once thought a quality spread only referred to the stock market.

They say money can’t buy love, but it can certainly buy a reasonable facsimile. That’s not our opinion—that’s empirical reality. It works even if you’re even as old as this guy. Gordon Semple, aka William Neubauer, Norman Bligh, et al., explores the theme of love-for-money in Love-Crazy Millionaire, as a rich man gets tangled up with a woman who’s decided it’s time to get ahead in life. It comes from Croydon Publishing Company, and the excellent cover art is by Bernard Safran, who we need to feature more often. 1954 copyright on this.

And now, the top 20 financial terms that sound sexual but aren’t:

20: Backup withholding

19: Tender offer

18: Liquidity put

17: Horizontal acquisition

16: Gypsy swap

15: Usufruct

14: 30-day wash rule

13: In-service withdrawal

12: Leptokurtosis

11: Open position

10: Jointly and severally

9: Receipt of deposit

8: Underperformance

7: Pump and dump

6: Naked straddle

5: Escheat period

4: Fallout risk

3: W-type bottom

2: Front-end load

1: Endowment

Croydon Publishing Company, Love-Crazy Millionaire, Gordon Semple, William Neubauer, Norman Bligh, Bernard Safran, cover art, literature

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HISTORY REWIND

The headlines that mattered yesteryear.

September 12

1994—White House Hit by Airplane

Frank Eugene Corder tries to crash a stolen Cessna 150 into the White House, but strikes the lawn before skidding into the building. The incident causes minor damage to the White House, but the plane is totaled and Corder is killed.

September 11

1973—Allende Ousted in Chile

With the help of the CIA, General Augusto Pinochet topples democratically elected President Salvador Allende in Chile. Pinochet’s regime serves as a testing ground for Chicago School of Economics radical pro-business policies that later are applied to other countries, including the United States.

September 11

2001—New York and Washington D.C. Attacked

The attacks that would become known as 9-11 take place in the United States. Airplane hijackings lead to catastrophic crashes resulting in the collapse of the World Trade Center in New York City, the destruction of a portion of The Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia, and a passenger airliner crash in Shanksville, Pennsylvania. Approximately 36% of Americans doubt the official 9-11 story.

September 10

1935—Huey Long Assassinated

Governor of Louisiana Huey Long, one of the few truly leftist politicians in American history, is shot by Carl Austin Weiss in Baton Rouge. Long dies after two days in the hospital.

September 9

1956—Elvis Shakes Up Ed Sullivan

Elvis Presley appears on The Ed Sullivan Show for the first time, performing his hit song “Don’t Be Cruel.” Ironically, a car accident prevented Sullivan from being present that night, and the show was guest-hosted by British actor Charles Laughton.