Vintage Pulp

November 18 2024

SPACE RACE

They may look like us but they have an entirely different set of priorities.

In another example of a low budget throwaway movie having brilliant promo art, above is a poster for the Mexican sci-fi flick El planeta de las mujeres invasoras, aka Planet of the Female Invaders, which premiered today in 1966 amidst a wave of similar films with smoking hot female aliens. The genius who created this piece of art is not known. We mean we don’t know. Someone else might. If you’re that special someone, clue us in, would you? We’d like to identify this person and seek out more of their work.

Plotwise, you get what’s advertised. Creatures from the planet Sibila, led by Lorena Velázquez, land their flying saucer in a carnival, disguise it as a ride called Viaje a la Luna, and make off with any unfortunates who wander aboard. This is an extremely random way to select humans, which is why they end up with three gangsters in their midst. This trio has followed someone onto the ship, a boxer they plan to lay low for failing to take a dive in the ring.

Also aboard are Fat Man and Little Boy—not the bombs, but rather cinematic stereotypes meant to inject the film with comic relief and pathetic innocence, respectively. The gangsters are funny too, actually. They keep hitting their noses on doors. This entire group and a couple of randoms are blasted into space while the rubes in the carnival gawp in astonishment. Terror awaits the abductees, as Velázquez and company plan to steal their lungs. Getting good lungs from Mexico is like getting good livers from the Czech Republic. You can make a more informed choice.

But super-advanced, hyper-intelligent beings always overlook flaws in their plans. In addition to not checking regional air quality, Velázquez didn’t confirm that her twin sister (also Velázquez ) was down with the whole cruel program. If the Earthlings are to be saved, it’ll be with help from the inside. Also needing help from the inside was the production, writing, and acting team, but alas, none was forthcoming, and the result was a truly terrible movie. But it’s one you can make funny if you have the improvisational skills. Invite your friends and see if you’re as clever as you think.

The idea of disguising our ship is good in principle, but I seriously doubt we can make it look unsafe enough to be a ride in a Mexican carnival.

Hi, beautiful. What’s your name?

*Zzzzzt!* You’ll never know, lung donor!

Look, here comes an entire group of humans, including those noisy ones I love zapping. But we already have what we need. We can ignore them.

*Zzzzzt!* I said ignore them! Why’d you zap her?

I dunno. I’m starting to enjoy pointless violence. These Earthlings must be rubbing off on me.

Mexico, El planeta de las mujeres invasoras, Planet of the Female Invaders, Lorena Velázquez, Elizabeth Campbell, Maura Monti, poster art, cinema, sci-fi, movie review

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HISTORY REWIND

The headlines that mattered yesteryear.

December 13

1944—Velez Commits Suicide

Mexican actress Lupe Velez, who was considered one of the great beauties of her day, commits suicide by taking an overdose of sleeping pills. In her note, Velez says she did it to avoid bringing shame on her unborn child by giving birth to him out of wedlock, but many Hollywood historians believe bipolar disorder was the actual cause. The event inspired a 1965 Andy Warhol film entitled Lupe.

December 13

1958—Gordo the Monkey Lost After Space Flight

After a fifteen minute flight into space on a Jupiter AM-13 rocket, a monkey named Gordo splashes down in the South Pacific but is lost after his capsule sinks. The incident sparks angry protests from the American Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, but NASA says animals are needed for such tests.

December 12

1968—Tallulah Bankhead Dies

American actress, talk show host, and party girl Tallulah Bankhead, who was fond of turning cartwheels in a dress without underwear and once made an entrance to a party without a stitch of clothing on, dies in St. Luke’s Hospital in New York City of double pneumonia complicated by emphysema.

December 11

1962—Canada Has Last Execution

The last executions in Canada occur when Arthur Lucas and Ronald Turpin, both of whom are Americans who had been extradited north after committing separate murders in Canada, are hanged at Don Jail in Toronto. When Turpin is told that he and Lucas will probably be the last people hanged in Canada, he replies, â€œSome consolation.â€

December 11

1964—Guevara Speaks at U.N.

Ernesto “Che” Guevara, representing the nation of Cuba, speaks at the 19th General Assembly of the United Nations in New York City. His speech calls for wholesale changes in policies between rich nations and poor ones, as well as five demands of the United States, none of which are met.

December 11

2008—Legendary Pin-Up Bettie Page Dies

After suffering a heart attack several days before, erotic model Bettie Page, who in the 1950s became known as the Queen of Pin-ups, dies when she is removed from life support machinery. Thanks to the unique style she displayed in thousands of photos and film loops, Page is considered one of the most influential beauties who ever lived.

December 10

1935—Downtown Athletic Club Awards First Trophy

The Downtown Athletic Club in New York City awards its first trophy for athletic achievement to University of Chicago halfback Jay Berwanger. The prize is later renamed the Heisman Trophy, and becomes the most prestigious award in college athletics.