THE PIRATE BAY

They upload themselves then download the loot.

We dropped by the post office to retrieve this copy of Conrad Dawn’s 1960 novel Chartered Love accompanied by one of our more literary friends, and when he saw the cover this reader of Vonnegut and Voltaire said, “This looks great!” He meant ridiculous and fun, which was our hope when we ordered it. The uncredited art is both, with its foreground figure holding a pistol in his teeth, yet behind his shoulder in a way that stretches the limits of human physiology. We couldn’t attempt this with a gun because we don’t own one, but we tried it with a dagger we picked up* during a jungle foray in Central America and succeeded in getting the hilt into a similar position as above—though very awkwardly. Therefore, this is objectively a weird painting. We suppose cheapo publishing house Novel Books had to take what they could get.

The book is about a Macao based boat captain named John Darrow who’s hired by beautiful Elizabeth McClain to locate twelve million dollars worth of gold bars that sank in 1938 with a torpedoed ship in the Sulu Sea. Naturally, others have heard about the treasure, most importantly a ruthless pirate named Suto Hayama who travels in a speedy junk and remains on Darrow’s trail throughout the novel. The story leads readers through the expected nautical cat and mouse between ships, tropical typhoon, hairsbreadth salvage operation, and seaborne showdown between protagonists and pirates.

Chartered Love is a deceptive title. The book’s only sex is of the fade-to-black variety. It’s mainly an action tale, and as such it basically works. Authors often focus on a specific aspect of a trade or culture to provide verisimilitude. Dawn chose decompression. Depending on how deep a scuba diver descends and for how long, they need to pause while ascending from the depths in order to avoid the bends—the condition arising from the increase then decrease of pressure on the body that causes dissolved gases to emerge as microbubbles inside body tissues. It’s debilitatingly painful, and sometimes deadly.

Decompression stops can last for hours, which in this case is managed thanks to support personnel lowering fresh oxygen tanks. A couple of times Darrow is literally stuck waiting below while crucial events take place topside. It’s a nice ticking clock device. We suspect Dawn took it from earlier novels, but fine—action literature is built on borrowed ideas. Chartered Love isn’t written at a high level, but the decompression gimmick adds interest and elevates the realism of the narrative. If you find the book for a few dollars, it’s worth buying for a quick and fun read.

*Actually, we didn’t pick it up. PI-1 did. Always thinking of others in her lovely way, she traded a Mickey Mouse watch for it and gave it to PSGP as a gift.

Tell, my agent *cough* that in my next film *gurgle* I want to play the lead.

William Bendix was one of the top character actors of his generation. When you hear the term “character actor,” it means he died a lot and almost never got the girl, but if it’s possible to reach the heights of Hollywood by always finishing anywhere from second to last onscreen, Bendix achieved it by appearing in more than sixty films during his career. Above, he makes an early exit from the 1952 adventure Macao. The silver lining is he got to die in Robert Mitchum’s arms, for which millions envied him. You can read a bit about Macao here.

Who needs a good script when you have Mitchum and Russell?


Above is a surpassingly lovely poster for the thriller Macao with Robert Mitchum and Jane Russell, reunited by RKO Studios after the previous year’s His Kind of Woman. It’s always interesting how old movies introduce the romantic leads to each other. In filmmaking parlance, these encounters are sometimes called “meet-cutes.” But it isn’t very cute for the man to have to save the woman from a sexual assault. It’s also not cute when the price for being saved is an uninvited kiss, but this is the early fifties and in movies you have to expect that stuff. Nonconsensual wrestling match—bad. Nonconsensual kiss—okay. Mitchum goes in for his reward and Russell doesn’t mind.

We joked about these two being the best looking pair you can find in vintage cinema, and they’re both in top form here. The honchos at RKO knew they had a dream pairing. Placing them in an exotic port, giving them an obstacle to overcome, writing them some quips, and hiring a respected director like Josef von Sternberg and charging him with capturing Casbalanca-style magic was a no-brainer. The adventure involves Mitchum coming across a stolen diamond, then trying to sell more gems to a local criminal kingpin. Little does he know that it’s all a scheme hatched by an American police lieutenant to capture said kingpin, leaving Mitchum stuck in the dangerous middle. Russell plays a lounge singer and seems ancillary to all the intrigue, but as the plot evolves she becomes central to the caper.

Macao has its moments, and we certainly enjoyed it, but objectively speaking it’s a middling effort, with too many narrative holes and too much boilerplate dialogue to offer any real thrills. The caper isn’t compelling, and the villain—played by Brad Dexter as if he’s on Quaaludes—has no real sense of menace. So the movie has the exotic port, the obstacle, and the quips—but no magic. Mitchum gets the girl, though, so that’s something. Or maybe Russell gets the boy. However you prefer. What we’d prefer is more of this pairing, but sadly this was the last time the two starred together. While both their collaborations are watchable, they never made the blockbuster their onscreen chemistry deserved. Why not? Probably because Macao flopped so hard. It premiered in the U.S. today in 1952.
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HISTORY REWIND

The headlines that mattered yesteryear.

1950—Alger Hiss Is Convicted of Perjury

American lawyer Alger Hiss is convicted of perjury in connection with an investigation by the House unAmerican Activities Committee (HUAC), at which he was questioned about being a Soviet spy. Hiss served forty-four months in prison. Hiss maintained his innocence and fought his perjury conviction until his death in 1996 at age 92.

1977—Carter Pardons War Fugitives

U.S. President Jimmy Carter pardons nearly all of the country’s Vietnam War draft evaders, many of whom had emigrated to Canada. He had made the pardon pledge during his election campaign, and he fulfilled his promise the day after he took office.

1915—Claude Patents Neon Tube

French inventor Georges Claude patents the neon discharge tube, in which an inert gas is made to glow various colors through the introduction of an electrical current. His invention is immediately seized upon as a way to create eye catching advertising, and the neon sign comes into existence to forever change the visual landscape of cities.

1937—Hughes Sets Air Record

Millionaire industrialist, film producer and aviator Howard Hughes sets a new air record by flying from Los Angeles, California to New York City in 7 hours, 28 minutes, 25 seconds. During his life he set multiple world air-speed records, for which he won many awards, including America’s Congressional Gold Medal.

1967—Boston Strangler Convicted

Albert DeSalvo, the serial killer who became known as the Boston Strangler, is convicted of murder and other crimes and sentenced to life in prison. He serves initially in Bridgewater State Hospital, but he escapes and is recaptured. Afterward he is transferred to federal prison where six years later he is killed by an inmate or inmates unknown.

Rare Argentinian cover art for The War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells.
Any part of a woman's body can be an erogenous zone. You just need to have skills.
Uncredited 1961 cover art for Michel Morphy's novel La fille de Mignon, which was originally published in 1948.

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