 Hi. I heard you serve tall boys here. 
Our girlfriends didn't get it. A tall boy is a glass. They thought it was a chest of drawers. Yes, it's a chest a drawers. But it's a glass too. Mars, Venus, right? Anyway, back in December we watched the shlock jungle adventure Killer Ape with Johnny Weissmuller and Max Palmer, who you see above. Palmer was the tallest human on Earth, according to many sources. Here you see him entering a Hollywood bar called the Blue Palm Cafe, and needing to duck his head to get under the doorway. He was billed as 8' 2”. Some sources say he was probably more like 7' 6” or 7' 8”. Typical doorways in the U.S. were about 8 feet high, so decide on his height for yourself. Palmer made three films besides Killer Ape—Stone, Invaders from Mars, and The Sniper. The latter film was his debut role, in 1952, and the above photo was made that same year.
 Tarzan gets fully dressed but remains king of the naked jungle. 
A killer ape, eh? Since the film opens with crocodiles getting axed to death—in real life—killer humans is more like it. Well, these old African wilderness flicks are never kind to animals, whether chimps, big cats, or what-have-you. The point of the croc massacre is that they're sick and have to be put down. Nobody can understand what's wrong with them, but it turns out an evil white scientist is testing bioweapons on wild animals. Wait—did we single him out as white? The distinction is meaningless, since everyone in the film is white or white-ish. That's what happens when deepest, darkest Africa is in reality a backlot in Simi Valley. In any case, someone needs to figure out why the crocs are sick. Who can do it? Why Jungle Jim, of course, played by Johnny Weissmuller. After years running around in a loincloth as Tarzan he got chubby enough that his body needed to be covered, so he slid into a new role as the khaki-garbed, pith-helmeted Jim, and for thirteen films did more or less the same things he did in twelve Tarzan films except yodel and swing on vines. The killer ape of the title is actually an ape/man hybrid, played by 7'7'' ex-wrestler Max Palmer in a pimp's fur coat and a putty nose. He lurches around uprooting trees like a one man lumber company and absorbing bullets with no ill effects. But though he's bulletproof, he isn't Weissmullerproof. Really, who among us can claim to be? The man subdued an entire continent, so certainly one pimped out wrestler isn't going to offer much resistance. Killer Ape is preposterous, but at least it has numerous unintentional laughs. It premiered in the U.S. today in 1953.
 Stand back everyone. When I strip down to my fifteen-year-old Tarzan loincloth you don't want to be anywhere downwind, trust me.
 So I had wardrobe trim this coat to expose my knees. Even during my wrestling days these sweet babies were my calling card.
 Cut! Max, the camera is over here to your right. Can we get a hairdresser to trim the man-ape's bangs, please?
 The name is Jungle Jim! Call me Junk Food Jim one more time! Just once! I dare you!
 You know, even with this highly authentic costume I'm still not feeling very African. Maybe some cornrows.
 It's about this long, give or take. I know that sounds like every man's dream, but size also brings real issues with it.
 Hah hah, no, you're light as a feather, Carol. A feather that's been packing in high calorie Columbia Pictures catering for a few weeks, but still feather-like.
 Just like you, Tarzan, I wear nothing under my costume. When I sit on your big ugly head those bristly things on your eyes will be my nuts.
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The headlines that mattered yesteryear.
1947—Journey of the Kon-Tiki Ends
Norwegian adventurer Thor Heyerdahl's balsa wood raft the Kon-Tiki, smashes into a reef in the Tuamotu Islands after a 4300 mile (7000 kilomteter) journey from South America. Heyerdahl was attempting to prove —in rather circuitous fashion—that South American natives were descended from Pacific Islanders. 1945—First Nuclear Weapon Is Used on Hiroshima
Hiroshima is leveled when the atomic bomb codenamed Little Boy is detonated over the city by the United States. Around 70,000 people are killed instantly, and tens of thousands more die in the months and years ahead due to burns and radiation poisoning. 1962—Nelson Mandela Jailed
Thanks mainly to intelligence-sharing efforts from the CIA, South African police are able to locate and arrest Nelson Mandela, who is imprisoned in the Johannesburg Fort. He would spend his next twenty-seven years imprisoned, most of them on Robben Island, where he and other inmates performed hard labour in a lime quarry. 1962—Marilyn Monroe Found Dead
Global screen icon Marilyn Monroe, who had starred in such films as Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and The Seven Year Itch, is found dead in her Brentwood, California home of acute barbiturate poisoning. Her death sets off a frenzy of conspiracy theories that continue to swirl even today. |
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