DYING WISH

First item on the bucket list—don't kick the bucket.

British publishers William Collins Sons & Co. routinely produced great cover art, which was usually attributed, but not this time. This front for John Davies’ exotic adventure See Naples and Die, which came in 1961, has the familiar look of a couple of suspects, but we won’t guess who painted it.

It made us decide to read the book—that and the great title, which is so good, in fact, that numerous authors have used it. There’s a reason. The phrase, which in Italian is “Vedi Napoli e poi muori,” was once a common expression. It’s said to be rooted in a Neapolitan fairy tale about a witch named Raziella, but was made famous beyond Italy when Johann Wolfgang von Goethe used it to express his feelings about Naples, basically popularizing an eighteenth century equivalent of the modern phrase, “I can die now.”

In See Naples and Die a Scottish launch captain and smuggler named Bruce Blair ferries Swedish beauty Meya Nordstrom from La Goleta, Tunisia to Naples, along with a full complement of cargo and passengers. He finds it odd that she’s taking his uncomfortable vessel rather than a plane or cruise liner, but smugglers don’t ask questions. He and Meya make a connection—tenuous, but enough for her to invite Blair to drop by her villa sometime. He does that the next week and finds—to his shock and horror—that Meya is the mistress of the kingpin of Naples, a slick U.S. born gangster named Leonardo Volpi. She’d taken Blair’s boat to bait him to the villa. In short order Volpi strongarms Blair into a salvage operation that could have deadly consequences.

In the balance between sheer writing skill and creative vision, some writers are gifted with both, but Davies, though a perfectly adequate technician, is mostly in the latter category. His Tunisia/Italy setting, with its grimy dockside environs juxtaposed against the hillside villas of the wealthy and the angelically beautiful Meya, augment a tale that’s been churned out by hundreds of authors. His Naples and Tunis details are vivid, the dark and desperate mood he constructs is compelling, and his story has enough action to propel readers forward. And it didn’t escape us that referring to Meya several times as a witch was a subtle hint that Davies had in mind the fairytale witch Raziella.

As a side note, Davies (who by the way isn’t the famous Welsh historian) uses this construction a lot: “He’d got to.” That’s as in, “He’d got to do something about it,” instead of, “he had to do something about it.” We’d never seen it before, and we thought it was strange. You learn something every time you read a book. Well, we’d got to read another book from Davies. Did we use that correctly? Probably not. Doesn’t matter, because we aren’t planning to ever use it again anyway. We’re not British, so we’d sound like posers. Read Naples and enjoy.

When you absolutely positively got to kill every motherfucker in the room, accept no substitutes.

Con la rabbia agli occhi is Italian for “with anger in his eyes,” which makes the above poster one of the only ones we’ve seen with art so on the nose that it doesn’t need a title at all. If you were preseneted with this and it had no writing, and you were asked what the movie was called, “with anger in his eyes” would be one of your top guesses. In the U.S., though, the movie was called Death Rage. Also works.

Yul Brenner stars as a retired hitman living in New York City who’s drawn back to Italy for one last job when he’s told that his target will be the man who murdered his brother. Off he heads to track down this killer, flying into Naples under his own name in order to set himself up as bait. He gets his wish, but a complication is his vision problems, which he thinks are physical but a doctor tells him are psychosomatic, and another complication is Barbara Bouchet, who turns his head, bad eyes and all.

Brenner’s plan to act as bait brings the mafia thugs into the open in short order, but they also go after Bouchet, which brings her to the attention of the cops. They try to turn her, but like a true criminal moll she says nothing and agrees to help Brenner in a last ditch gambit to elude police surveillance and have his sweet vengeance. He has additional help in the form of a local hustler who he’s been training to be a hitman. Will the scheme go as planned? Well, that depends on whose plan you mean.

These Italo actioners are usually not great because they were mid-budget at best to begin with and don’t age well, but we have to admit to liking this one. Brenner has something. He’s good to watch. Martin Balsam in a co-starring role is solid, Massimo Ranieri is convincing as the eager apprentice, and Bouchet, well, is Bouchet. She even performs a striptease. It’s perfunctory and not very artful, but she doesn’t need to be artful—she is the art. Con la rabbia agli occhi premiered in Italy today in 1976.

Everyone on the boat is cruising for a misusing.

The breezy Robert McGinnis (so say several online sources) cover art of a femme fatale sexily shedding a commander’s jacket belies the fact that Peter Baker’s 1967 novel Cruise is a deadly serious ensemble drama featuring seriously flawed characters that wear on the nerves from the moment they board. It’s only a rule of thumb that you must create a likeable character or two for your novel, but only the best writers can ignore it and succeed. Lolita, Gone Girl, and American Psycho might be examples. Baker is no Nabokov or Ellis, and when writers of lesser ability break rules of thumb they can break entire books. You won’t quite want the 33,500 ton cruise ship Queen Dee to sink, but you’ll wish a few people tumbled overboard.

Baker is actually a better writer than many. And his characters aren’t accidentally intolerable—there was a plan: Highsmithesque portraiture of upper class discontent and relational disfunction. His most palatable creations are Pamela Westcott and her son Richard, thirty-eight and eighteen respectively, widow and naïf, both seeking something they can’t quite define among more resolute and worldly passengers, on a Mediterranean pleasure voyage from Southampton to Beirut and back. Pamela hooks up with Chief Officer David Welch (who’s so terrible that for pleasure he brutally beats a hippie stowaway), while Richard has, first, a gay flirtation with an American theater student, then a crush on a French beauty named Simone, then a fling with a rich older lady.

Most of the action is aboard ship, but some of it happens in the ports of call—Southampton, Villefranche-sur-Mer, Athens, Izmir, Beirut, Rhodes, Naples—in that order. That would have been a scintillating real-life cruise at the time, but as a piece of fiction, the selfish, mean, and entitled passengers give the book the feel of a seagoing season of The White Lotus sans humor. Yet after a slow and taxing start, a funny thing happens on the way across the Med—the story starts to click, but only in pieces. By the end we were invested in learning how it all would turn out because the characters of Pamela, Richard, and his crush John grew on us.

We’d wager that Cruise is probably too ponderous for most readers. About one third of its omniscient interior musings could have been jettisoned. Patience is often rewarded in fiction. But time is precious. For those not impressed by its story the book may still have value—and that would be as travelogue. It’s enjoyably detailed on that score. If you’ve visited any of Queen Dee‘s stops you’ll be fascinated by Baker’s depiction of them from a lifetime ago. Maybe that isn’t the strongest endorsement for a novel, but it’s something. Baker is a good writer without an innate sense of conciseness, nor an editor cruel enough to do the job for him. But we’re glad to have gone on the trip.

When is a terrible movie a must-watch? When it stars Ursula Andress.


Colpo in canna, for which you see a promo poster above, starred Swiss goddess Ursula Andress during the height of her nudie period, as you’ll soon see. She plays a flight attendant paid by a stranger to deliver a note. Sounds legit, right? She has no idea she’s delivering this message to criminals. These crooks don’t react well. They rough her up and force her to act as bait to find the writer of the note, but she hooks up with a hot circus acrobat who lends a hand—and his bed—as Andress is chased all over Naples by two gangs and the cops.

Crowdsourced sites like IMDB call Colpo in canna an action adventure, which is why we watched it. But it’s actually an action comedy, and anything ostensibly comedic from Italy during the 1970s should strike fear into your heart. That fear will be realized, as ludicrous oompah brass music and ragtime numbers accompany pratfall interludes and fights played for laughs. It’s torturous.

The only reason to endure this patchwork of stolen Benny Hill routines is for Andress, who most people would be happy to stare at for hours fully clothed, but who here, at thirty-nine years old and looking as breathtaking as ever, has five—or was it six?—nude scenes. In the same way a milkshake is just a delivery system for a sugar high, this film is just a delivery system for an Andress high. She’ll leave you dizzy, possibly even stunned. Colpo in canna, which was known in English as Loaded Guns, premiered in Italy today in 1975

Don't worry. Lava's slow. I'm fast. I'll undress, we'll screw, then we'll run for our lives.


When we lived in Central America there were three volcanoes that loomed over our town. One’s slope commenced just a few miles away and its peak dominated the sky to the south, but that one was extinct. The other two were not. One was dormant, but the other was active and smoked nonstop, with the prevailing wind carrying the ash away from town. This mountain occasionally shot out fountains of lava hundreds of feet high, which is a sight that will make you realize how insignificant you are the same way seeing a tornado or massive wave will. These mountains stood sentinel over many of our adventures, and were even involved in a few, including the time we visited a village on the extinct volcano and a mob of about thirty people beat a suspected thief to death.

Another time the top of that volcano started glowing red one night when we were hanging out at one of the local bars. We stood in the street with our drinks watching this spectacle, and pretty soon we could see flames around the mountain’s peak. We thought we were seriously screwed. It was always understood that if that dead volcano ever came back to life there was nothing to do but kiss your ass goodbye. We decided to redouble our drinking. It turned out the flames were caused by a forest fire way up by the rim, but we gotta tell you, in those moments when we thought we might be toast, we got very efficiently hammered. It’s a great memory, standing in that cobbled colonial lane, guzzling booze and waiting for the mountain to blow us all to hell.

Needless to say, for that reason the cover of 1952’s The Angry Mountain by Hammond Innes sold us. The art is by Mitchell Hooks and it’s close to his best work, we think. We didn’t need to know anything about the book. We just wanted to see how the author used a volcano—specifically Vesuvius—in his tale, since they’re a subject personal to us. The cover scene does occur in the narrative, though the couple involved aren’t actually trying to have sex. Innes describes this lava lit encounter well. In fact we’d say it’s described beyond the ability of even an artist as good as Hooks to capture, but that doesn’t mean the book is top notch. Innes simply manages to make the most of his central gimmick.

The narrative deals with a man named Farrell who was tortured during World War II, losing his leg to a fascist doctor who amputated without anesthesia. A handful of years later Farrell is in Europe again, getting around on a prosthetic leg, when a series of events leads to him believing the doctor who tortured him is alive and living under a false identity. In trying to unravel this mystery he travels from Czechoslovakia, to Milan, to Naples, and finally to a villa at the foot of Vesuvius, along the way being pursued but having no idea why. He soon comes to understand that he’s thought to be hiding or carrying something. But what? Why? And where? Where could he be carrying something valuable without his knowledge? Well, there’s that hollow leg of his he let get out of his sight one night when he got blackout drunk…

That was a spoiler but since you probably don’t have a volcano fetish you aren’t going to seek out this novel, right? The main flaw with The Angry Mountain is that, ironically, there’s not much heat. Farrell is an alcoholic and has PTSD, so he’s not an easy protagonist to get behind. And his confusion about what’s happening gives the first-person narrative the feel of going around in circles much of the time. And because this is a 1950s thriller, there’s the mandatory love interest—or actually two—and that feels unrealistic when you’re talking about a one-legged boozehound who has nightmares, cold sweats, and general stability problems. So the book, while evocative, is only partly successful. But those volcano scenes. We sure loved those.
Hah hah, don't worry about my gun. Worry about my mood.

Above, a photo of German actress and dancer Taina Béryl, aka Taina Beryll, aka Tayna Beryll, happily playing with a sidearm, which given a choice is better than her unhappily playing with it. Her name is often spelled “Tania” around the internet but that’s incorrect. As a dancer Taina-not-Tania Béryl performed at the Teatro San Carlo in Naples, and in cinema was seen in such productions as Une blonde comme ça, L’inconnue de Hong Kong, and Berlin, cites with los Espias. 1963 on the image.

If sex sells, pretending sex is bad sells even better.

Here’s another Vice Squad magazine, published this month in 1964, with cover star Sophia Loren and several other interesting offerings. You’ll notice the banner about bare-bosom bikinis. Believe it or not, back in the mid-sixties bikini evolution reached a point where bras vanished entirely. The most famous of these suits were known as topless Maillots, and Vice Squad breathlessly claimed they were popular with liberated young women on the beaches of Saint Tropez. As far as their popularity Stateside, we weren’t around yet, so we can’t say with certainty whether they were widely worn. However, we did find a 1964 photo at bikiniscience of a brave Chicago woman named Toni Lee Shelley being hustled away by a local cop after wearing a topless Maillot on North Beach. Interesting, isn’t it, that the same thing would probably happen today, half a century later? (At Pulp we tend to snicker about this, because on our beaches many sunbathers go entirely nude—and we wish most of them would cover up).

Anyway, the leering tone of Vice Squad’s text (along with censored pix) was designed to inflame the magazine’s mainly conservative readers while giving them involuntary stirrings in the pants. Imagine thousands of Archie Bunkers getting heated up over the magazine’s scandalous contents, slamming it down in disgust, then sneaking a closer look after the missus had gone to bed. The same formula is at work in the stories about beauty queens, the “mink and champagne girl,” and Sophia Loren, who is pictured here in her film Leri, oggi, domani, aka, Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.

Loren was always dogged by rumors that she turned to prostitution briefly during the dismal post-war years in Naples, when she was a teenager. The Vice Squad story, while not going that far, certainly suggests that Loren was a bit of a wild child. We can’t say if she was ever a member of the world’s oldest profession, but we can definitely say Vice Squad editors were experts at another ancient endeavor—spreading vicious rumors. That said, if any proof exists that the great Sophia Loren was a lady of the night, we’d pay to see it. How does fifty bucks sound?

Femme Fatale Image

ABOUT

SEARCH PULP INTERNATIONAL

PULP INTL.
HISTORY REWIND

The headlines that mattered yesteryear.

1910—First Seaplane Takes Flight

Frenchman Henri Fabre, who had studied airplane and propeller designs and had also patented a system of flotation devices, accomplishes the first take-off from water at Martinque, France, in a plane he called Le Canard, or “the duck.”

1953—Jim Thorpe Dies

American athlete Jim Thorpe, who was one of the most prolific sportsmen ever and won Olympic gold medals in the 1912 pentathlon and decathlon, played American football at the collegiate and professional levels, and also played professional baseball and basketball, dies of a heart attack.

1958—Khrushchev Becomes Premier

Nikita Khrushchev becomes premier of the Soviet Union. During his time in power he is responsible for the partial de-Stalinization of the Soviet Union, and presides over the rise of the early Soviet space program, but his many policy failures lead to him being deposed in October 1964. After his removal he is pensioned off and lives quietly the rest of his life, eventually dying of heart disease in 1971.

1997—Heaven's Gate Cult Members Found Dead

In San Diego, thirty-nine members of a cult called Heaven’s Gate are found dead after committing suicide in the belief that a UFO hidden in tail of the Hale-Bopp comet was a signal that it was time to leave Earth for a higher plane of existence. The cult members killed themselves by ingesting pudding and applesauce laced with poison.

1957—Ginsberg Poem Seized by Customs

On the basis of alleged obscenity, United States Customs officials seize 520 copies of Allen Ginsberg’s poem “Howl” that had been shipped from a London printer. The poem contained mention of illegal drugs and explicitly referred to sexual practices. A subsequent obscenity trial was brought against Lawrence Ferlinghetti, who ran City Lights Bookstore, the poem’s domestic publisher. Nine literary experts testified on the poem’s behalf, and Ferlinghetti won the case when a judge decided that the poem was of redeeming social importance.

1975—King Faisal Is Assassinated

King Faisal of Saudi Arabia dies after his nephew Prince Faisal Ibu Musaed shoots him during a royal audience. As King Faisal bent forward to kiss his nephew the Prince pulled out a pistol and shot him under the chin and through the ear. King Faisal died in the hospital after surgery. The prince is later beheaded in the public square in Riyadh.

Cover art by Norman Saunders for Jay Hart's Tonight, She's Yours, published by Phantom Books in 1965.
Uncredited cover for Call Girl Central: 08~022, written by Frédéric Dard for Éditions de la Pensée Moderne and its Collection Tropiques, 1955.
Four pink Perry Mason covers with Robert McGinnis art for Pocket Books.
Unknown artist produces lurid cover for Indian true crime magazine Nutan Kahaniyan.

VINTAGE ADVERTISING

Things you'd love to buy but can't anymore

Vintage Ad Image

Around the web