Hollywoodland, Sex Files

December 23 2024

RAMPAGE NOTES

Keeping readers up to date with all the most important news.

America’s self-proclaimed top satire and humor weekly is back. We’ve now shared an even dozen issues of this tabloid. We’re proud to have enriched your life. Or at least given you a few smiles. This issue was published today in 1973, and promises to take readers “inside a whore,” reveal how to “make it with a ski bunny,” and use its daily horoscope to make better lovers.

All these stories are dumb as hell, though the prostitute story—featuring a Hamburg professional allegedly named Hilda Repp—tries to be serious. Rampage journo Heine Heinrich (sure, sure) discusses government regulations within the industry, details the workings of brothels where women are employed, and reveals that Hilda’s fee is the equivalent of $30 for sex, $20 for oral only.

Rampage also treats readers to a profile of Elizabeth Taylor, who had split from Richard Burton and was dating singer Tom Jones. The editors detail every relationship she ever had, then wish her luck with Jones. She married a total of eight times, so maybe the editors’ wishes had the opposite effect. We have more than a dozen scans below.

West Germany, Hamburg, Rampage, Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton, Tom Jones, tabloid, prostitution, nudity

Intl. Notebook, Sex Files

May 20 2024

SLURPING BEAUTIES

They slurp, you slurp, we all slurp in Rampage.

It’s always fun to see which direction Rampage goes in each ridiculous centerspread, and in an issue published today in 1973 they highlight a mother and daughter who lick houseguests. This stuff is priceless. It’s reported by “Karl Peabody,” who visits a Los Angeles businessman who runs his home “Burmese style,” whatever that is, with a compliant wife and daughter required to entertain guests. Soon comes the licking, and we bet you can guess which part of this pseudonymous reporter gets licked. Rampage claims on its front cover that it’s America’s “top satire and humor weekly.” We’re not so sure about the humor part of the formula, but the satire is certainly there.

We often wonder why people who bought Rampage didn’t just go full porn and buy Playboy or whatever. But maybe Rampage and its ilk were displayed more openly at newsstands, and possibly as checkout line items in drugstores and the like, leading to impulse purchases. We figure the average buyer would read the paper twice—once out of curiosity, and again to make sure it was as dumb as it seemed the first time. With tens of millions of newsstand browsers every week, even a miniscule purchase rate would probably keep a tabloid afloat. Of course, we’ve bought dozens of these gonzo newspapers, so who are we to talk? Therefore we humbly submit for your perusal a selection of choice Rampage imagery.

Rampage, nudity, tabloid

Sex Files

June 17 2018

WORDS WITH FRIENDS

Introducing the official Pulp Intl. Cheapie Tabloid Drinking Game™.

Cheapie tabloids are such a joy to read. The vocabulary alone. Some choice words from this issue of Rampage published today in 1973: buttsters, hiney, clitty, throasts [sic], goosey, and more. The photos are nice too. Contemporary glamour models or erotic actresses tend to appear, and this one has Lillian Parker, who was both. Rampage uses her image for a story called “Sisters Admit They Have Perfect Sex Lives.” By perfect the editors mean they like to swap, which is another word you see basically only in old tabloids. It gave us an inspiration. We have a large stack of these bad mags, and we decided to create a drinking game. Here’s how it works. You simply read stories aloud and take a drink every time these words occur (singularly or in the plural).

ball (verb form only)

broad (noun form only)

chick

exclusive

nookie

JFK

nympho (or nymphomaniac)

orgasm (as verb or noun)

prostie (prostitute doesn’t count)

repairman

babysitter

Sinatra (Ole Blue Eyes is also acceptable)

swollen

And down an entire shot if any of these phrases come up:

after school/after class/after church

lonely divorcée

high and firm

firm and proud

knocked up

swallowed eagerly

throbbing member

my wife’s sister

Modify the rules as you see fit. Playing the game using two or three typical thirty-two page cheapie tabs like Rampage should get you fucked beyond repair—and ironically “repairman” might be what does you in, because in two tabloids we checked it came up seven times. But the real fun with this should be reading the insane stories. The drinks are merely a bonus.

Rampage, Lillian Parker, nudity, tabloid

Vintage Pulp

December 23 2016

MASSAGE RECEIVED

New Yorkers get their kinks worked out.

Rampage is shocked—shocked, they tell us—to find that sexual shenanigans are going on in New York City massage parlors. They bravely delve into the matter, telling readers, “Authorities evidently realized that the parlors were nothing more than cathouses operating under the guise of massage parlors. Now, where there once were about 200 parlors, only about five are left.” You have to wonder‚ why were any left? Well, police need a little deep tissue action once in a while too. We’re big fans of puns and we have to give Rampage credit for this one: “But according to the owners of the joint, business is throbbing.”

Resident seer Mark Travis graces this issue with another installment of “I Predict.” We love these—there’s nothing like reading predictions when you already know whether they came true. Since these were all published today in 1973 it’s safe to say we know the outcomes. Among Travis’s gems: “I predict a series of savage sex slayings in an eastern city will be solved with the arrest and confession of the slayer—an 11 year-old boy!” Here’s another good one: “I predict the birth of quintuplets to a famous—or infamous—porno star.”

Of course, Travis isn’t always wrong. Here’s one he nailed: “I predict videotape cassettes will soon become as common as phonograph records and that these cassettes will be the most common form of entertainment in American homes.” To put this in perspective, consider that the Betamax tape wasn’t released in the U.S. until 1975, and the VHS tape didn’t arrive until 1977. Spooooky.

Rampage also gives readers advice for making it with ski bunnies, offers an in depth examination of the lives of prostitutes, reports that a Nigerian farmer fed his child who had died of starvation to the rest of his family, and tells the story of a man who had an eye cut out over a one dollar debt. We have a dozen scans below and many more issues of Rampage in the website. All you have to do check our handy alphabetical tabloid index.

Nigeria, New York City, Rampage, Mark Travis, nudity, tabloid

Vintage Pulp

May 27 2016

BACK ROAD RAMPAGE

Tabloid goes where only goats will dare.

Bet it’s been a long time since you heard the term “Hershey highway.” Well, Rampage, which bills itself as “America’s top satire and humor weekly,” fixes that on this cover from today in 1973 with a story about the utility of anal sex for birth control. The cover features a curious photo of a girl with her tongue out. We showed it to the Pulp Intl. girlfriends and here’s an actual reaction: “Sure. Laaaaaa—I want dick in my butt. Sorry. Not having anal sex with you.” It wasn’t a hint—we just wanted a good quote. Mission fully accomplished.

Rampage‘s anal sex story is told in first person and goes into astonishing detail. Here’s a snippet: “He holds on to the cheeks of my ass, keeping them spread wide while his manhood rams me like a goat. I reach back with one hand and alternately massage my clitoris and his balls.” You get the picture. The author basically makes this a primer on back door loving, from beginning to end, so to speak, stopping just short of discussing how to avoid santorum problems. In fact, the story is so positive about the practice maybe we’ll ask the girls to read it and tell them it is a hint.

This is classic Rampage—sleaze dressed up as journalism, written from the point-of-view of a sexually precocious sixteen-year-old, but doubtless penned by a thirty-something aspiring Faulkner. Did any of these hacks go on to write novels? Who can say? It’s always a fun game uncovering the respectable authors behind sex fiction, but in the case of tabloids the undoubtedly informal nature of commissioning the articles would make tracing their provenance an impossible task. The authors would have to admit it themselves. And why on earth would they do that? Eleven scans below.

Rampage, tabloid, nudity

Vintage Pulp

November 20 2015

RUNNING WILD

A Rampage of epic proportions.

Lots of skin this week. Don’t blame us. It’s all a matter of publishing randomness. You know we like to share items on the date they originally appeared, and it seems the stars have aligned for a naked mid-November. Above you have a Rampage published today in 1973, with rare photos of German actress Alice Arno and men’s mag fave Joyce Gibson. The monster referenced on the cover is Dean Corll, a serial killer who abducted, raped, tortured, and murdered at least 28 boys in and around Houston, Texas, from 1970 to 1973. He had been killed two months earlier by his accomplice Elmer Wayne Henley during a showdown over two potential victims, and terrifying details of the crimes had been laid bare for the American public, which was still trying to wrap its head around the concept of serial killers. We may get into the Corll murders a bit later. This is our eighth issue of Rampage, and you can see the others at our trusty tabloid index.

Poland, Texas, Houston, Rampage, Alice Arno, Joyce Gibson, Dean Corll, Elmer Wayne Henley, murder, tabloid

Vintage Pulp

October 21 2015

HEAD OF STATE

A presidential brain goes missing—it was the first of many.

Rampage finally gets one right on the cover of this issue that appeared on newsstands today in 1973—John F. Kennedy’s brain really did go missing. It happened in 1966. Well, better to be right late than never. To this day there’s no official explanation for what happened to JFK’s brain, which had been stored at the National Archives in Washington, D.C. after his autopsy. The most credible theories center on family members ordering it taken to conceal evidence that Kennedy was sick or on medication. Amazingly, later presidential brain removals occurred while their hosts were still alive. No signs of cognition were present in these men, yet they walked, talked, and in zombielike trances signed laws written by corporations and billionaires.

Something else that’s missing is a chunk of this Rampage. Where did it go? We have no idea, but we roundly reject theories one person was the culprit—it was clearly a group that committed the deed. Though it’s a partial paper, we bought it anyway because it was only a dollar. And it was worth it. Inside, we learned that kissing won’t spread colds, but does shorten life spans; we were introduced to ambitious stripper Sandy O’Hara, who may be the first of her profession to debut in tabloids and later achieve her ambition of appearing in movies; and we learn Cher is on the verge of jettisoning Sonny. Scans below, and more from Rampage in our tabloid index.

Washington D.C., Rampage, John F. Kennedy, Cher, Sonny & Cher, Sandy O’Hara, tabloid

Vintage Pulp

April 27 2015

COLLATERAL RAMPAGE

Nobody is safe when the tabloids are on the loose.

This Rampage published today in 1968 offers stories on radical advances in the science of birth control, tips on how to steal other men’s wives, and insights about teenaged leather fetishists. It also has a great photo of actress-now-felon Victoria Vetri swimming with a dead fish in her mouth. We shared the same ridiculous shot a while back and it brings a smile to our faces each time we see it. Probably the most interesting aspect of this particular Rampage is the fact the editors go after the U.S. armed forces with one story calling military schools havens of homosexuality, and another claiming soldiers are terrible in bed. This type of pointed satire would not go over well today, we suspect, in a country where the pendulum has swung from Vietnam-era suspicion of the military to post-Trade Center conformist worship, but it is an interesting reminder that perhaps the healthiest attitude lies somewhere in the middle. We have many more issues of Rampage. Just click its keyword below.

Rampage, Victoria Vetri, tabloid

Vintage Pulp

August 30 2014

A RAMPAGE FROM HISTORY

Cheapie tabloid offers priceless advice to American males.

Remember when Midnight explained that virgins make lousy wives? Not to be outdone, this issue of Rampage published yesterday in 1971 reveals what type of women make the best wives. Can you guess? Give up? The answer is—wait for it—prostitutes. The magazine’s reasons are many, but the one we agree with unreservedly is this: “They’ve already seen the worst men have to offer.”

Elsewhere, the editors tout a cure for inverted nipples, reveal “lezzies slurping over female bodies,” and tell the tale of a woman talked into smuggling heroin in her vagina from Istanbul to New York City. Because this is a tabloid, after all, there’s an actual heroin stuffed dildo involved that the amateur smuggler secrets inside her lady parts for two days of air travel. Quote: “I felt full down there, like I was being perpetually screwed by a guy with a really big dick. It was a funny feeling, but sexy. I may have had an orgasm on the plane.” Everybody who thinks that was written by a dude raise your hands. Yep, we’re unanimously agreed.

We also get America’s most popular seer the (not so) Amazing Criswell (on loan from his regular gig at National Informer), who drops this nugget: “I predict a lawsuit will reveal that one of our top glamour girls has a wooden hand!” Rampage is a gift that keeps on giving and we have about ten more issues we’re going to share. We know you can hardly wait. Scans below.

Turkey, Istanbul, New York City, Rampage, The Great Criswell, The Amazing Criswell, tabloid, nudity

Vintage Pulp

November 21 2013

RAMPAGING BULL

Very little of what they wrote was factual, but at least they were bold about it.

Rampage returns to Pulp Intl. after a six month absence with this issue published today in 1973. The cover star and interior models are unknowns, and the stories are mostly fiction (a fiend stomps a girl’s guts out, a ghost rapes a girl in graveyard, a husband shoots out a rival’s eyes, a wife shoots her husband because he wanted a beer) but the editors do expend a bit of column space on two real people.

The first is Richard Burton, who they call a hopeless drunk with violent tendencies—not a newsflash, since other tabloids had already covered his drinking issues to death. Of marginally more interest is a story on Peter Duel, a little-known figure today, but one who was a major star during the 1970s, half of the famed duo from the hit television show Alias Smith and Jones. Rampage claims Duel did not commit suicide in December 1971, but rather was murdered. The evidence? The testimony of a medium who communicated with Duel’s spirit and reported that the aggrieved entity said, “They… murdered….me! I… was… murdered..! Oh God..!” And of course, ghosts being famously elliptical, Duel transmitted all this across the ether without uttering the name of a single assailant.

The last item of note in Rampage is the group of predictions by Mark Travis. His predictions are usually so off as to be pure comedy, but eerily, he nails a few this time. For instance, he predicts the development of a cream that can allow a person to be whatever shade they wish. While many current day Americans have perhaps heard of these only in relation to porn stars whitening their anuses, skin whitening creams are in fact a multi-billion dollar industry in places like Japan, India, and China, where paleness is perceived as an indicator of wealth. The fact that people could so blatantly kowtow to racist paradigms is another issue entirely. We’ll get into that another time maybe.

Travis also predicts that American highways will all become toll roads, and that’s of course a wet dream of today’s privatization sect, and one that’s coming closer to fruition every day. Okay, Travis missed a few too. Goat’s milk has not become a major part of the American diet yet. And as far as we know, Mexico has not yet offered instant citizenship to Americans who purchase property over the border. But here’s the thing about predictions—there’s no time limit. If they haven’t come true yet… just wait. We predict that we’ll have more issues of Rampage soon. Scans below.

Alias Smith and Jones, Rampage, Richard Burton, Mark Travis, Peter Duel, suicide, television, tabloid

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HISTORY REWIND

The headlines that mattered yesteryear.

January 24

1961—Plane Carrying Nuclear Bombs Crashes

A B-52 Stratofortress carrying two H-bombs experiences trouble during a refueling operation, and in the midst of an emergency descent breaks up in mid-air over Goldsboro, North Carolina. Five of the six arming devices on one of the bombs somehow activate before it lands via parachute in a wooded region where it is later recovered. The other bomb does not deploy its chute and crashes into muddy ground at 700 mph, disintegrating while driving its radioactive core fifty feet into the earth.

January 23

1912—International Opium Convention Signed

The International Opium Convention is signed at The Hague, Netherlands, and is the first international drug control treaty. The agreement was signed by Germany, the U.S., China, France, the UK, Italy, Japan, Netherlands, Persia, Portugal, Russia, and Siam.

January 22

1946—CIA Forerunner Created

U.S. president Harry S. Truman establishes the Central Intelligence Group or CIG, an interim authority that lasts until the Central Intelligence Agency is established in September of 1947.

January 22

1957—George Metesky Is Arrested

The New York City “Mad Bomber,” a man named George P. Metesky, is arrested in Waterbury, Connecticut and charged with planting more than 30 bombs. Metesky was angry about events surrounding a workplace injury suffered years earlier. Of the thirty-three known bombs he planted, twenty-two exploded, injuring fifteen people. He was apprehended based on an early use of offender profiling and because of clues given in letters he wrote to a newspaper. At trial he was found legally insane and committed to a state mental hospital.

January 21

1950—Alger Hiss Is Convicted of Perjury

American lawyer Alger Hiss is convicted of perjury in connection with an investigation by the House unAmerican Activities Committee (HUAC), at which he was questioned about being a Soviet spy. Hiss served forty-four months in prison. Hiss maintained his innocence and fought his perjury conviction until his death in 1996 at age 92.

January 21

1977—Carter Pardons War Fugitives

U.S. President Jimmy Carter pardons nearly all of the country’s Vietnam War draft evaders, many of whom had emigrated to Canada. He had made the pardon pledge during his election campaign, and he fulfilled his promise the day after he took office.