A MILLION STRONG

Men are being watched and women aren't impressed. So—par for the course.

This promo poster from American International Pictures for The Million Eyes of Sumuru had us at palace of pleasure. No, actually, it had us back when we read the source material, which was Sax Rohmer’s Sumuru novels, about a cabal of women plotting to take over the world because men have royally screwed it. But where Rohmer goes for thrills and chills, The Million Eyes of Sumuru goes largely for laughs. In order to pull that off, cornball heartthrob Frankie Avalon was given the co-lead opposite impressive haircut George Nader, and both are assigned a quip a minute. Other performers are also saddled with laugh lines, or alternatively, dumb eccentricities. And Klaus Kinski is made up green. Was this really needed?

He burns a hole in Nader’s crotch too. Notice that? Anyway, we’d have preferred a more serious treatment of Rohmer’s creation, but judging objectively, the movie is okay for what it is. It takes a few elements from book one but largely charts its own course, as viewers meet Sumuru (Shirley Eaton), get to know her henchwomen (especially Ursula Rank), and learn of their ruthlessness. Nader is brought inside Sumuru’s current plot involving a political assassination in Hong Kong, but of course he’s just playing along. We have to say, as such a poor judge of character Sumuru simply isn’t destined to rule the world, but it’s occasional fun watching her and her lethal minions try. The Million Eyes of Sumuru premiered today in 1967.

The Price is wrong in these bikini themed clunkers.

Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine and Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs, for which you see the U.S. promo posters above, are inexpressibly bad spy movie spoofs, but since they were such strong influences on the iconic Austin Power series we decided to feature them anyway. They’re supposed to be absurd, of course, but does anything hurt the soul more than comedy that isn’t funny? Reviews on these aren’t uniformly horrible, but we think many critics give them credit for merely trying to generate laughs.

The plots are as follows: in the first movie Vincent Price as the evil Dr. Goldfoot sends an army of bikini-clad robots to charm rich men out of their assets, with the ultimate of using the capital to take over the world; in the second film Price uses a cadre of girl robot bombs—what we’d today call suicide bombers—to blow up NATO bigwigs, with the ultimate plan, again, of taking over the world. It’s actually amazing that the first film spawned a sequel, but the follow-up effort was so bad it killed any potential franchise stone dead.

Are these films funny if you’re expecting comedy? No. Are they funny if you’re expecting idiocy? Somewhat. Are they funny if you’re chemically altered to the gills? Undoubtedly. Choose your state of mind and proceed to camp Goldfoot accordingly. And like all camp trips, group participation helps. Invite your cleverest friends and you just might—might—have the time of your life. Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine premiered in the U.S. today in 1965, and Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs premiered one year and three days later, on 9 November 1966.

Femme Fatale Image

ABOUT

SEARCH PULP INTERNATIONAL

PULP INTL.
HISTORY REWIND

The headlines that mattered yesteryear.

1937—H.P. Lovecraft Dies

American sci-fi/horror author Howard Phillips Lovecraft dies of intestinal cancer in Providence, Rhode Island at age 46. Lovecraft died nearly destitute, but would become the most influential horror writer of all time. His imaginary universe of malign gods and degenerate cults was influenced by his explicitly racist views, but his detailed and procedural style of writing, which usually pitted men of science or academia against indescribable monsters, remains as effective today as ever.

2011—Illustrator Michel Gourdon Dies

French pulp artist Michel Gourdon, who was the less famous brother of Alain Gourdon, aka Aslan, dies in Coudray, France aged eighty-five. He is known mainly for the covers he painted for the imprint Flueve Noir, but worked for many companies and produced nearly 3,500 book fronts during his career.

1964—Ruby Found Guilty of Murder

In the U.S. a Dallas jury finds nightclub owner and organized crime fringe-dweller Jack Ruby guilty of the murder of Lee Harvey Oswald. Ruby had shot Oswald with a handgun at Dallas Police Headquarters in full view of multiple witnesses and photographers. Allegations that he committed the crime to prevent Oswald from exposing a conspiracy in the assassination of President John F. Kennedy have never been proven.

1925—Scopes Monkey Trial Ends

In Tennessee, the case of Scopes vs. the State of Tennessee, involving the prosecution of a school teacher for instructing his students in evolution, ends with a conviction of the teacher and establishment of a new law definitively prohibiting the teaching of evolution. The opposing lawyers in the case, Clarence Darrow and William Jennings Bryan, both earn lasting fame for their participation in what was a contentious and sensational trial.

1933—Roosevelt Addresses Nation

Franklin D. Roosevelt uses the medium of radio to address the people of the United States for the first time as President, in a tradition that would become known as his “fireside chats”. These chats were enormously successful from a participation standpoint, with multi-millions tuning in to listen. In total Roosevelt would make thirty broadcasts over the course of eleven years.

This idyllic scene for Folco Romano’s 1958 novel Quand la chair s’éveille was painted by Alain Gourdon, aka Aslan. You'd never suspect a book with a cover this pretty was banned in France, but it was.
Hillman Publications produced unusually successful photo art for this cover of 42 Days for Murder by Roger Torrey.
Cover art by French illustrator James Hodges for Hans J. Nording's 1963 novel Poupée de chair.

VINTAGE ADVERTISING

Things you'd love to buy but can't anymore

Vintage Ad Image

Around the web