ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!

Is there no one else? Is there no one else!

We mashed up rhetorical questions from sword and sandal epics there. “Are you not entertained?” is from Russell Crowe’s Gladiator, while, “Is there no one else?” is from Brad Pitt’s Troy. But the above poster is for a movie not as good as either of those. It was put together for the Egyptian run of the Dan Vadis headlined adventure Ercole l’invincibile, which was originally made in Italy and known in English as Hercules the Invicible, Hercules Against the Elephants’ Empire, and The Sons of Hercules in the Land of Darkness. Today it’s just unknown. In Egypt it was called in Arabic The Famous Hercules. They’ve probably forgotten it there too. You’ll notice the poster has a secondary English title: Hercole the Conqueror. Since the character of Hercules was not known as Hercole in English, we can’t even begin to explain that. But we love the art. It was produced by Universal Film Distribution in Cairo, and of course they did not credit its creator.

We actually watched this, and it’s about Hercules slaying a dragon to win the hand (and the rest of her) of a king’s daughter only for her to be kidnapped by marauders, who Herc then tracks to their subterranean city and goes nuclear on, but only after he’s captured and the evils try to sacrifice him to some elephants. Once he dispatches those, and is courted by the evil queen for a minute, he makes the bad folks pay dearly, barely ruffling his pleated mini-skirt in the process. It’s gaspingly awful, particularly the sequence where he wrassles a lion, and also every moment involving his bumbling sidekick Babar. But our special consulting critic Angela the sunbear felt the movie wasn’t bad. She has a fancy degree in this cinema stuff, so we defer to her. Plus when we don’t, she threatens to maul us. Artsy types, right? There’s no release date for Egypt, but Ercole l’invincibile opened in Italy today in 1964.

The only thing more awesome than being the strongest man in the world would be strength, plus not having to wear a wig to conceal my hair loss.
 
With the wind vectoring strongly from the north, my wig integrity is rapidly decreasing.
 
I have much power, young Hercules, but not the power to restore hair!
 
Hercules! Bear!
 
Bare? My tits are constantly out! You dare to demand more?
 
Hey, heh heh, listen guys, we all have fake hair here. Should we really be fighting?
 
Zeus! Apollo! Poseidon! Minoxodil! Aid me in my hour of need!
 
The wig is weird, I grant you. But the last guy I dated had a hunchback.
 
Oh no! I had no idea Tannymaxx body oil was flammable! Aiiiieeeeee!!!!!
 

Hello, humans. Gonna throw this out there—the bear was by far the best actor. Amiright?

It's really impossible to measure the Worth of this film.

What more do you need to know about a movie than the fact that cheeseball actor Ken Clark plays a main character named Dick Worth and he spends ninety minutes trying to get his dick’s worth of action? The Fuller Report is a half baked espionage caper set in Sweden, involving Clark’s smug race car driver who gets swept up in a frantic search for the eponymous report. What’s in these papers? References to a Soviet defector, who it turns out is a kidnap and blackmail target. But the villains have more complex plans for her—they intend to turn her into an assassin. And of course the racing comes into play too, but not as much as you’d think based on the Japanese promo poster above. 

Jointly made by the Italian company Fida Cinematografica and French based Les Productions Jacques Roitfeld, this is high budget schlock with Americans in three of the four main roles, and the fourth slot occupied by Serbian star Beba Lončar, who plays the defector. Lončar is a real beauty, but Ken Clark wins the production value award hands down—dude is seriously ripped. There’s a steam bath scene involving Lončar, but we think it was actually put in the film so Clark could get his chest all oiled up.

Overall, we recommend you break out either a twelve-pack or the weed pipe for this flick—it’s rife with awful acting, clunky staging, and loaded lines of dialogue any cleverhead could riff on all night. Our favorite? Clark and Lončar are in bed enjoying post-coital bliss and Lončar gushes, “I love you so much.” Clark’s response: “Me too.” Invite your funny friends, sit back and enjoy Lončar’s beautiful face, Clark’s steely torso (without the fur he’s wearing below), and the great soundtrack by Armando Trovajoli. The movie opened in Italy as Rapporto Fuller, base Stoccolmain early 1968, and sped into Japan today in 1970.

The name's Malloy—Dick Malloy.

We shared the American art for Agente 077: Missione Bloody Mary in our post on James Bond imitators. The original Italian version of the film premiered today in 1965, and for an idea how it stacks up to a Bond picture, just consider the secret agent’s name: Dick Malloy. See? No zing. No pizzazz. In our overactive imaginations we kept hearing people he introduced himself to respond, “I’m sorry, you want to me dick your what?” But that didn’t happen in the movie. Not even once. This one may leave you shaken, but it definitely won’t leave you stirred.

The 1960s ushered in a wave of James Bond imitators.

Spies with numerical identities proliferated like mad during the ’60s, as studios tried and failed to compete with Sean Connery’s ultracool 007. But even if most of the resulting films were bad, some of the promo art was striking. Here are fifteen great posters featuring various numbered and lettered pretenders to Bond’s throne.

Femme Fatale Image

ABOUT

SEARCH PULP INTERNATIONAL

PULP INTL.
HISTORY REWIND

The headlines that mattered yesteryear.

1916—Richard Harding Davis Dies

American journalist, playwright, and author Richard Harding Davis dies of a heart attack at home in Philadelphia. Not widely known now, Davis was one of the most important and influential war correspondents ever, establishing his reputation by reporting on the Spanish-American War, the Second Boer War, and World War I, as well as his general travels to exotic lands.

1919—Zapata Is Killed

In Mexico, revolutionary leader Emiliano Zapata is shot dead by government forces in the state of Morelos, after a carefully planned ambush. Following the killing, Zapata’s revolutionary movement and his Liberation Army of the South slowly fall apart, but his political influence lasts in Mexico to the present day.

1925—Great Gatsby Is Published

F. Scott Fitzgerald’s novel The Great Gatsby is published in New York City by Charles Scribner’s Sons. Though Gatsby is Fitzgerald’s best known book today, it was not a success upon publication, and at the time of his death in 1940, Fitzgerald was mostly forgotten as a writer and considered himself to be a failure.

1968—Martin Luther King Buried

American clergyman and civil rights leader Martin Luther King, Jr., is buried five days after being shot dead on a Memphis, Tennessee motel balcony. April 7th had been declared a national day of mourning by President Lyndon B. Johnson, and King’s funeral on the 9th is attended by thousands of supporters, and Vice President Hubert Humphrey.

1953—Jomo Kenyatta Convicted

In Kenya, Jomo Kenyatta is sentenced to seven years in prison by the nation’s British rulers for being a member of the Mau Mau Society, an anti-colonial movement. Kenyatta would a decade later become independent Kenya’s first prime minister, and still later its first president.

1974—Hank Aaron Becomes Home Run King

Major League Baseball player Hank Aaron hits his 715th career home run, surpassing Babe Ruth’s 39-year-old record. The record-breaking homer is hit off Al Downing of the Los Angeles Dodgers, and with that swing Aaron puts an exclamation mark on a twenty-four year journey that had begun with the Indianapolis Clowns of the Negro League, and would end with his selection to Major League Baseball’s Hall of Fame.

Edições de Ouro and Editora Tecnoprint published U.S. crime novels for the Brazilian market, with excellent reworked cover art to appeal to local sensibilities. We have a small collection worth seeing.
Walter Popp cover art for Richard Powell's 1954 crime novel Say It with Bullets.
There have been some serious injuries on pulp covers. This one is probably the most severe—at least in our imagination. It was painted for Stanley Morton's 1952 novel Yankee Trader.

VINTAGE ADVERTISING

Things you'd love to buy but can't anymore

Vintage Ad Image

Around the web