Vintage Pulp

August 23 2024

LUKEWARM COCOA

Whatever Lola wants Lola gets—except a decent script and a sufficient budget.

A low rent poster usually indicates a low rent movie. The poster you see here for Lola Falana’s crime drama Lady Cocoa, which premiered today in 1975, is obviously underwhelming. Sometimes, though, digging into the dusty archive of cheap cinema yields forgotten gems. But not in this instance. You know you’re in trouble with Lady Cocoa right from the opening theme, which is a sort of mash-up between a disco song and, “Pop Goes the Weasel.” Literally, that’s the chorus. We’ve come across some terrible theme songs (who can forget the indelible strains of “Flare-Up”?—but this one might take the booby prize.

Falana plays a Reno gangster’s girlfriend who’s spent eighteen months in prison for reasons that are obscure, possibly because she’s insanely annoying. She’s released into protective custody when she finally decides to testify against her man. She doesn’t seem to understand the gravity of her decision, but there’s a reason for that—she has no intention of testifying. She just wants out of the joint for a while. She has total confidence her boyfriend will intuit this, but she’s wrong—kingpins don’t become kingpins through trust. He sends assassins to perforate her, and the movie becomes a standard witness protection actioner. While this basic plot has been done many times, it has rarely been done with dialogue so poor.

Gene Washington: “I remember when I got it in Nam.”

Falana: “Nam?”

Gene Washington: “Yeah. Vietnam.”

Let’s fix that exchange of dialogue for them:

Gene Washington: “I remember when I got it in Nam.”

Falana: “It?”

Gene Washington: “Yeah. Syphilitic meningitis.”

See? Much better. Poor Lola never had a chance in this one. But there are a few items of note. Falana, who’s really cute even playing a grating harpy, spends a lot of the movie in a towel and flashes a backside that’ll leave a permanent impression. Late in the program she and co-star Gene Washington share a real-deal hot tango of a tongue kiss, which is something you rarely see actors do. And one of the assassins is played by Joe Greene, as in Mean Joe Greene, as in the Pittsburgh Steelers. If he’d sacked the producers before they had a chance to make the movie, Hollywood would have given him an honorary Oscar. No such luck.

Despite your ample sexual charms I’m irrationally annoyed I have to bodyguard you.

Still hate me?

Abso-goddamned-lutely.

You sure?

I can’t even budge I’m so filled with loathing.

What if I let you slowly rub this lotion all over me, we enjoy some leisurely oral sex, then fuck like beasts?

Then again, I’m only human.

Nevada, Lake Tahoe, Lady Cocoa, Lola Falana, Gene Washington, Millie Perkins. Joe Greene, Mean Joe Greene, James A. Watson Jr., poster art, cinema, blaxploitation, movie review

Femmes Fatales

May 29 2022

FALANA TURNER

Whole lotta Lola going on.

This photo shows U.S. actress, dancer, and singer Lola Falana ready for a dip in unidentified waters, doing a nice turn to give the photographer an over-the-shoulder look. We figure the distinctive building in the background reveals where this was made, but we can’t identify the structure. We can, however, tell you when the photo was shot. It’s from 1967, early in Falana’s career, when she was working in Italy in such films as Lola Colt. She would later become one of the biggest stars in Las Vegas, eventually pulling in $100,000 a week for a residency at the Aladdin. Yeah. She was rolling in it. Below, in a photo from the same session, she pre-jumps for joy over her impending earnings.

Las Vegas, Lola Colt, Lola Falana

Vintage Pulp

October 22 2021

HER NAME WAS LOLA

She was a showgirl, a yellow hat atop her hair, and a pistol out to there...

Lola Falana fronts these collectible posters for the Italian adventure flick Lola Colt, a movie made during the spaghetti western craze of the late sixties, and later re-released in the U.S. during the blaxploitation era as Black Tigress. It tells the classic western story of a town controlled by a ruthless landowner and the town’s efforts to topple him. It won’t be easy, not least because El Diablo, as they call him, keeps hostages on his ranch. Falana plays a showgirl (with a repertoire of modern musical numbers) who decides to set up El Diablo for a fall. A doctor played by Peter Martell tries to help, but he mostly gets pummeled, which does not

set a good example for others concerning potential rewards for bravery.

But as always happens in these movies, the townies will be pushed too far eventually, and that happens when the gang shoots a kid. You can guess what happens next—a mass showdown pitting local yokels against evil cowpokes.

We don’t want to dismiss the film. It’s not good, but it is significant. We can’t think of another western up to this point that has a black woman in the lead (maybe one of you out there in pulpland can correct us). That makes Falana a trailblazer, and while she rewards the filmmakers’ risktaking with a game performance, overall we wish the result had been better. Well, at least we have a photo of Falana naked on a horse. If only it had happened in the movie. Lola Colt premiered in Italy today in 1967.

Italy, Lola Colt, Black Tigress, Face to Face with El Diablo, Lola Falana, Peter Martell, Germán Cobos, Erna Schürer, Erna Schürer, poster art, cinema, blaxploitation, spaghetti western, movie review

Femmes Fatales

October 22 2010

FALANA FABULOSA

She danced her way from New York to stardom.

Cuban-descended American-born dancer and singer Lola Falana, who was discovered in a New York City nightclub by Sammy Davis, Jr., and went on to become a major star in Italian cinema.

Italy, New York City, Lola Falana, Sammy Davis Jr.

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HISTORY REWIND

The headlines that mattered yesteryear.

September 10

1935—Huey Long Assassinated

Governor of Louisiana Huey Long, one of the few truly leftist politicians in American history, is shot by Carl Austin Weiss in Baton Rouge. Long dies after two days in the hospital.

September 9

1956—Elvis Shakes Up Ed Sullivan

Elvis Presley appears on The Ed Sullivan Show for the first time, performing his hit song “Don’t Be Cruel.” Ironically, a car accident prevented Sullivan from being present that night, and the show was guest-hosted by British actor Charles Laughton.

September 8

1966—Star Trek Airs for First Time

Star Trek, an American television series set in the twenty-third century and promoting socialist utopian ideals, premieres on NBC. The series is cancelled after three seasons without much fanfare, but in syndication becomes one of the most beloved television shows of all time.

September 8

1974—Ford Pardons Nixon

U.S. President Gerald Ford pardons former President Richard Nixon for any crimes Nixon may have committed while in office, which coincidentally happen to include all those associated with the Watergate scandal.

September 7

1978—Giorgi Markov Assassinated

Bulgarian dissident Giorgi Markov is assassinated in a scene right out of a spy novel. As he’s waiting at a bus stop near Waterloo Bridge in London, he’s jabbed in the calf with an umbrella. The man holding the umbrella apologizes and walks away, but he is in reality a Bulgarian hired killer who has just injected a ricin pellet into Markov, who develops a high fever and dies three days later.