DISH IN A BARREL

We’re gonna need a bigger tub.

After two weeks of unknowns, we’re back to a face we recognize on this installment of the Good Time Weekly Calendar of 1963. She’s none other than Diane Webber, aka Marguerite Empey, one of the most popular nudist models of the 1960s, photographed by Peter Chiodo. We say “nudist” rather than nude because she specialized in posing for sun worshipper publications, of which we posted a rather entertaining collection here way back in 2008. Below are the usual transcriptions of daily quips from the calendar. And like always, some of them are nonsensical to us. For instance, did people really call women “turnpikes” back then? And what the hell is Jackie Gleason on about? No idea. But we’ll keep sharing these little quotations anyway on the off chance you get a chuckle out of them.

March 31: “Man to man: Planting gardens is strictly for the birds.”—He-who Who-he

April 1: “April Fool. Our favorite Biblical truth for today is: Do one to others as others do one to you.”—Art Linkletter

April 2: Tranquilizers in April are sold to help decide the line between straight income or capital gain.

April 3: Women’s hair rinse: Wash-and-wear.

April 4: “Don’t call any woman a turnpike unless it’s absolutely true—not a curve in sight.”—He-who Who-he

April 5: “Remember the good old days? The ‘cold war’ was only a fight between you and the janitor.”—Jackie Gleason

April 6: The twist is not possible in Russia because too much is already twisted there.

Goodtime Weekly Calendar, Diane Webber, Marguerite Empey, Jackie Gleason, Art Linkletter, Peter Chiodo, nudity

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HISTORY REWIND

The headlines that mattered yesteryear.

March 23

2011—Elizabeth Taylor Dies

American actress Elizabeth Taylor, whose career began at age 12 when she starred in National Velvet, and who would eventually be nominated for five Academy Awards as best actress and win for Butterfield 8 and Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, dies of congestive heart failure in Los Angeles. During her life she had been hospitalized more than 70 times.

March 22

1963—Profumo Denies Affair

In England, the Secretary of State for War, John Profumo, denies any impropriety with showgirl Christine Keeler and threatens to sue anyone repeating the allegations. The accusations involve not just infidelity, but the possibility acquaintances of Keeler might be trying to ply Profumo for nuclear secrets. In June, Profumo finally resigns from the government after confessing his sexual involvement with Keeler and admitting he lied to parliament.

March 22

1978—Karl Wallenda Falls to His Death

World famous German daredevil and high-wire walker Karl Wallenda, founder of the acrobatic troupe The Flying Wallendas, falls to his death attempting to walk on a cable strung between the two towers of the Condado Plaza Hotel in San Juan, Puerto Rico. Wallenda is seventy-three years old at the time, but it is a 30 mph wind, rather than age, that is generally blamed for sending him from the wire.

March 22

2006—Swedish Spy Stig Wennerstrom Dies

Swedish air force colonel Stig Wennerström, who had been convicted in the 1970s of passing Swedish, U.S. and NATO secrets to the Soviet Union over the course of fifteen years, dies in an old age home at the age of ninety-nine. The Wennerström affair, as some called it, was at the time one of the biggest scandals of the Cold War.

March 21

1963—Alcatraz Closes

The federal penitentiary located on Alcatraz Island in San Francisco Bay closes. The island had been home to a lighthouse, a military fortification, and a military prison over the years. In 1972, it would become a national recreation area open to tourists, and it would receive national landmark designations in 1976 and 1986.

March 20

1916—Einstein Publishes General Relativity

German-born theoretical physicist Albert Einstein publishes his general theory of relativity. Among the effects of the theory are phenomena such as the curvature of space-time, the bending of rays of light in gravitational fields, faster than light universe expansion, and the warping of space time around a rotating body.