WILD BY NATURE

What the Eva loving hell is happening in that jungle?

We don’t give much credence to crowdsourced film ratings. These days there are coordinated efforts to drag down the ratings of certain films based on casting rather than execution. However, with vintage films it’s a different deal. Nobody really bothers dragging down those ratings. The Italian exploitation flick Eva la Venere selvaggia, which would translate as “Eva the wild Venus” but is known in English as Kong Island, has a 2.9 rating on IMDB. And that website’s ratings are, if anything, too forgiving of vintage cinema. Therefore we know going in that this is a terrible film. But we like its posters, so we took the plunge.

A scientist in Kenya is implanting radio transmitters into the brains of gorillas in order to control their behavior. When Ursula Davis heads into the area on a hunting trip she’s kidnapped by these enslaved primates. Ursula’s compatriots follow her trail through bush and forest, along the way running across a feral woman played by Esmeralda Barros, who lives in the jungle and knows where to find the mad scientist’s underground lair. Within that lair the scientist is busy explaining to Ursula—in classic cheapo movie style—his entire world dominating plot. Shorter version: his mind control device works on humans too.

Obviously, the final reel deals with the rescue of Ursula and comeuppance for the mad scientist, but it’s as perfunctory as we just made it sound. The folks on IMDB were right this time. In fact, the movie is so bad there isn’t even much satisfaction in making fun of it. It’s too easy. The movie is laden with failure ranging from the script all the way down to the gorilla suits. It’s like a pressed muffuletta sandwich of incompetence—you can’t even discern all the layers, they’re packed so tight. Director Roberto Mauri called himself Robert Morris for this and it’s easy to see why. Kong Island is like something made by apes. It premiered today in 1968.

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HISTORY REWIND

The headlines that mattered yesteryear.

1918—Sgt. York Becomes a Hero

During World War I, in the Argonne Forest in France, America Corporal Alvin C. York leads an attack on a German machine gun nest that kills 25 and captures 132. He is a corporal during the event, but is promoted to sergeant as a result. He also earns Medal of Honor from the U.S., the Croix de Guerre from the French Republic, and the Croce di Guerra from Italy and Montenegro. Stateside, he is celebrated as a hero, and Hollywood even makes a movie entitled Sergeant York, starring Gary Cooper.

1956—Larsen Pitches Perfect Game

The New York Yankees’ Don Larsen pitches a perfect game in the World Series against hated rivals the Brooklyn Dodgers. It is the only perfect game in World Series history, as well as the only no-hitter.

1959—Dark Side of Moon Revealed

The Soviet space probe Luna 3 transmits the first photographs of the far side of the moon. The photos generate great interest, and scientists are surprised to see mountainous terrain, very different from the near side, and only two seas, which the Soviets name Mare Moscovrae (Sea of Moscow) and Mare Desiderii (Sea of Desire).

1966—LSD Declared Illegal in U.S.

LSD, which was originally synthesized by a Swiss doctor and was later secretly used by the CIA on military personnel, prostitutes, the mentally ill, and members of the general public in a project code named MKULTRA, is designated a controlled substance in the United States.

1945—Hollywood Black Friday

A six month strike by Hollywood set decorators becomes a riot at the gates of Warner Brothers Studios when strikers and replacement workers clash. The event helps bring about the passage of the Taft-Hartley Act, which, among other things, prohibits unions from contributing to political campaigns and requires union leaders to affirm they are not supporters of the Communist Party.

Classic science fiction from James Grazier with uncredited cover art.
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