PRIMATE SUSPECT

Queen Kong is so bad you'll hope a giant ape carries you away just so you don't have to finish watching.

Sometimes you get fooled. These Italian posters for Queen Kong, aka La regina dei gorilla, vibed sci-fi b-movie, but what we got was a comedic gender swapped version of King Kong about an egomaniacal filmmaker who dupes an idiot named Ray Fay into starring in her monster movie set in Uganda. Despite its efforts to be literate and referential, the final result here is too stupid to enjoy. It’s on the level of an old public access program written by high school seniors who haven’t figured out yet that the gags they think are incisive and original have been done a thousand times before—mostly in Vaudeville. Tongue-in-cheek lines like, “We came to make a movie but created a farce,” and “So that’s gorilla warfare!” just sting. Our guess is that the filmmakers had access to a giant ape hand and worked backward from there. Intentionally trying to make a bad cult movie is usually a losing game. We were embarrassed for everyone involved. But we like the posters. Queen Kong premiered originally in 1976, and cheated ticket buyers in Italy for the first time today in 1977.

Houston, we have a negative on that orbit trajectory.

Above are three promo posters for the British sci-fi romp The Love Factor, aka Zeta One, aka Zeta Uno, and while it is not our intention to pose as film reviewers, when we watch these movies we can’t help but share our thoughts. We had high hopes this one would be a bit like Barbarella, and it is—if you can imagine an earthbound version made with a fraction of the budget and none of the sets or special effects.

But we do dig the posters, the latter two of which were painted by Luciano Crovato, and we certainly have no problem with the likes of Yutte Stensgaard, Anna Gaël, Carol Hawkins, and Valerie Leon. In fact, the film is possibly worth a screening just to see Stensgaard in the scene where she burns a coq au vin. After making a nude sprint to save the doomed chicken, she returns to the bedroom and tells her companion, “The cock’s ruined.” Aspiring screenwriters take note—that’s how it’s done.

And now below, for no other reason than because we found some cool photos, we have a feature we’re calling “The Women of The Love Factor.” From top to bottom, you have Brigitte Skay, Hawkins, Stensgaard, Leon, and Gaël. Made in 1969, The Love Factor opened in the U.S. today in 1975.

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HISTORY REWIND

The headlines that mattered yesteryear.

1968—Tallulah Bankhead Dies

American actress, talk show host, and party girl Tallulah Bankhead, who was fond of turning cartwheels in a dress without underwear and once made an entrance to a party without a stitch of clothing on, dies in St. Luke’s Hospital in New York City of double pneumonia complicated by emphysema.

1962—Canada Has Last Execution

The last executions in Canada occur when Arthur Lucas and Ronald Turpin, both of whom are Americans who had been extradited north after committing separate murders in Canada, are hanged at Don Jail in Toronto. When Turpin is told that he and Lucas will probably be the last people hanged in Canada, he replies, “Some consolation.”

1964—Guevara Speaks at U.N.

Ernesto “Che” Guevara, representing the nation of Cuba, speaks at the 19th General Assembly of the United Nations in New York City. His speech calls for wholesale changes in policies between rich nations and poor ones, as well as five demands of the United States, none of which are met.

2008—Legendary Pin-Up Bettie Page Dies

After suffering a heart attack several days before, erotic model Bettie Page, who in the 1950s became known as the Queen of Pin-ups, dies when she is removed from life support machinery. Thanks to the unique style she displayed in thousands of photos and film loops, Page is considered one of the most influential beauties who ever lived.

1935—Downtown Athletic Club Awards First Trophy

The Downtown Athletic Club in New York City awards its first trophy for athletic achievement to University of Chicago halfback Jay Berwanger. The prize is later renamed the Heisman Trophy, and becomes the most prestigious award in college athletics.

1968—Japan's Biggest Heist Occurs

300 million yen is stolen from four employees of the Nihon Shintaku Ginko bank in Tokyo when a man dressed as a police officer blocks traffic due to a bomb threat, makes them exit their bank car while he checks it for a bomb, and then drives away in it. Under Japanese statute of limitations laws, the thief could come forward today with no repercussions, but nobody has ever taken credit for the crime.

1965—UFO Reported by Thousands of Witnesses

A large, brilliant fireball is seen by thousands in at least six U.S. states and Ontario, Canada as it streaks across the sky, reportedly dropping hot metal debris, starting grass fires, and causing sonic booms. It is generally assumed and reported by the press to be a meteor, however some witnesses claim to have approached the fallen object and seen an alien craft.

Barye Phillips cover art for Street of No Return by David Goodis.
Assorted paperback covers featuring hot rods and race cars.

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