vintage and modern pulp fiction; noir, schlock and exploitation films; scandals, swindles and news
It’s time for one of our periodic visits with Victoria Vetri for no other reason than the fact that she looks so damned good. This is another promo made for 1971’s When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth, a terrible movie that helped reinforce the fiction that humans and dinosaurs lived together. As we all know, people will buy anything as long as it’s presented by someone with whom they identify, and we certainly identify with Vetri as she looks here. And here too.
Polish actress Magda Konopka tries two different styles of leg coverage in these images that first showed up in the Italian magazine Playmen in 1967. Somewhere in the changing room she lost her shirt, but that’ll happen. It’s happened to us. Konopka is known for such b-movies as Blindman, Robinson and His Tempestuous Slaves, and When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth (which we’ve written about to a ridiculous extent), but is probably best remembered for the 1968 thriller Satanik. We haven’t watched that, but it’s on the list. You can see more Konopka here.
Which is the best prehistoric lost world adventure ever filmed? Is it One Million Years B.C. with Raquel Welch or When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth with Victoria Vetri? Don’t get us wrong. Both are complete bullshit. Both show humans and dinosaurs living together, which never happened unless you’re a fundamentalist who believes what you see in biblical museums. But apart from the scientific silliness of both movies, which is best? It’s a question like Beatles versus Stones, California white versus Spanish red, or Kanye West versus Anderson Paak. It shows who you are. What you’re made of. We’re going with Vetri and Ruled the Earth, because the filming of Dinosaurs was basically a long form orgy and Vetri admits it. Also she shot her terrible husband in the chest, and we guess the only reason she used a gun was because her spear was in the other room. Total badass. This photo is from 1970.
1960s and 1970s lost world movies like When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth are fun, but just lately they’re also a reminder that—despite all geological, biological, paleontological and, for that matter, just plain logical proof to the contrary—a lot of people actually believe humans co-existed with dinosaurs. Well, this movie is for them, and as a bonus everyone in it is white, which of course we know was the case in the prehistoric past. But does homogeneity bring harmony to the planet? No, because Victoria Vetri is a ravishing blonde whose differences from the brunette tribe she encounters initially make her a perfect sacrifice candidate, and later a potential mate for one of the men. This annoys the hell out of the brunette women, and thence sparks fly and deeper troubles develop.
In its own way When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth is better than the more famous One Million Years B.C., and in her own way Victoria Vetri is better than the more famous Raquel Welch. That may sound a bit crazy, but in terms of quality note that the two films have very similar scores on IMDB—5.8 versus 5.2—and in terms of lead actresses Vetri gets naked whereas Welch does not. Is it okay to say that? Well, we’re a bit caveman-like ourselves, so blame it on our primitive brains. Anyway, both movies are fun, if scientifically preposterous, but When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth is cheaper, which makes it funnier, and in turn means it’s a perfect popcorn and beer flick. Watch it and laugh. It premiered in England in October 1970 and rampaged across Japan today in 1971.
I am called Sanna. I come from across the great sea and represent a new evolutionary stage in personal grooming.
You fake blonde bitch. You better get your eyes off my man before I yank them out of your head and eat them on a cracker.
Shit. I really wanted to make friends with everyone. Sometimes being astoundingly beautiful is really hard.
So Tara, where’s your girlfriend? Oh well, doesn’t matter. Tara sounds a little like a girl’s name. And Ayak sounds like a boy’s name. Maybe you two should swap names. Is your cave near here?
Just to warn you, Sanna, kissing and foreplay don’t exist yet, so you’re just gonna have to figure out some way to get your lady parts ready for this.
Oh, and I don’t have a bed. Do you have those where you’re from? They’re really expensive here. I’m thinking of maybe buying a futon instead.
Hah hah, something about that golden muff of yours just makes me smile. I don’t even know why…
Maybe this isn’t the time or place to mention it, but I’ve been seeing the blonde. We’re maybe gonna buy a condo. I want my engagement bone back.
Blonde bitch stole my man! Her hair is that color because of evil magic! She thinks brunettes are violent and stupid! Brothers and sisters, we must sacrifice her!
And fuck you, Tara! What kind of name is that for a caveman anyway? Sounds like a girl’s name! And I’m keeping my engagement bone. I earned this!
I think this crazy chick really intends to see us dead, Sanna. I should have broken up with her that time she tried to stab me in the groin with a sharpened wolf’s femur. We better run.
With the above, we’ve now given about as much exposure to a terrible film as can be excused. The photo shows British actress Imogen Hassall from When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth, and the shot was made during that epic’s filming in the Canary Islands in 1969. Some may remember the movie premiering in late 1970 in England and 1971 elsewhere, but it languished in the studio vaults for a while. Actually, the entire shoot was a circus.
Here’s co-star Victoria Vetri, speaking to journalist Joe Vannicola about filming the movie on Fuerteventura: “Two weeks after we were there the director left his wife. He was sleeping with the script supervisor. It was like you could have made a movie within a movie. Everybody was screwing around. People were skinny dipping, drinking sangria instead of tea at four in the afternoon, getting drunk [constantly], and it was like party time.
Three or four in the morning they’d say, ‘You have to be up at six for a sunrise shoot? Let’s stay up all night!’ [snip] Of course, having [me] around didn’t help because I was the first one to drop a loincloth. And all the girls between shots were getting a tan. After a while it didn’t faze anybody. When you’re all sitting around half naked it doesn’t matter.” So the above photo may actually be the overdressed Hassall. We approve in any case.
Above is a shot of Polish actress Magda Konopka, who appeared in such b-classics as Satanik, Diabolicamente…Letizia, and the legendarily chaotic (as in copious infidelities among cast and crew, constant skinny-dipping, and all night sangria binges) lost world production When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth. This image appeared in Girl Illustrated around 1970, more or less right in the middle of what for Konopka would be an eighteen-year film career.
We found some film stills from the 1970 caveman epic When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth, and thought they’d be a good share for today. The movie starred Magda Konopka, Victoria Vetri, Imogen Hassall, and a cast of loinclothed others, and even though it has worse science than what you’d find in a Kentucky creationism museum, we’ll buy the idea of prehistoric women in fur bikinis any day when they look like this group. More stills below. They all beg for captions, but we’re short of time, so you’ll have to write your own.
Creationism has made it clear that humans and dinosaurs coexisted. We’ve always concurred with this crackpot theory because we love the idea that the human struggle for survival was really an episode of The Flintstones. Today, thanks to this promo shot from When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth, we’ve learned that prehistoric times were not only slapstick fun, but sexy too. In fact, these tiny fur bikinis are probably the most Intelligent Designs ever. Now if we could just see Wilma in one our fantasies would be complete.
English novelist Nevil Shute, who wrote the books A Town Like Alice and The Pied Piper, dies in Melbourne, Australia at age sixty-one. Seven of his novels were adapted to film, but his most famous was the cautionary post-nuclear war classic On the Beach.
Dr. James Bedford, a University of California psychology professor, becomes the first person to be cryonically preserved with intent of future resuscitation. Bedford had kidney cancer that had metastasized to his lungs and was untreatable. His body was maintained for years by his family before being moved to Alcor Life Extension Foundation in Arizona.
Jack Gilbert Graham is executed in Colorado, U.S.A., for killing 44 people by planting a dynamite bomb in a suitcase that was subsequently loaded aboard United Airlines Flight 629. The flight took off from Denver and exploded in mid-air. Graham was executed by means of poison gas in the Colorado State Penitentiary, in Cañon City.
The League of Nations holds its first meeting, at which it ratifies the Treaty of Versailles, thereby officially ending World War I. At its greatest extent, from 28 September 1934 to 23 February 1935, the League had 58 members. Its final meeting was held in April 1946 in Geneva.
Harold Macmillan accepts the Queen of England’s invitation to become Prime Minister following the sudden resignation of Sir Anthony Eden. Eden had resigned due to ill health in the wake of the Suez Crisis. Macmillan is remembered for helping negotiate the Nuclear Test Ban Treaty after the Cuban Missile Crisis. He served as PM until 1963.
Spanish civil engineer and pilot Juan de la Cierva’s autogyro, which was a precursor to the helicopter, makes its first successful flight. De la Cierva’s autogyro made him world famous, and he used his invention to support fascist general Francisco Franco when the Spanish Civil War broke out in July 1936. De la Cierva was dead by December of that same year, perishing, ironically, in a plane crash in Croydon, England.
