Swindles & Scams Mar 13 2009
A MADOFF RUSH TO JUDGMENT
Bernie Madoff is in jail but who has the missing money?

You know by now that yesterday in the U.S., crooked fund manager Bernie Madoff was handcuffed and led away to jail after pleading guilty to all counts against him. By declining to take the normal route of a plea deal with prosecutors, he sidestepped the requirement to divulge information about his accomplices and the disposition of the stolen money. Financial observers agree that Madoff could not have run his Ponzi scheme without help, and they certainly agree that the money didn’t just disappear.

The New York cover pictured here labels elderly Madoff a monster, as if he’s some atrocity never before seen by human eyes. While he may be the biggest swindler of all time, and he certainly isn't Kevin Bacon's favorite person, he’s not new. No, he’s just the latest in a long line of elegant grifters, though a particularly efficient one. What makes Madoff truly pulp is that he took the hit for his financial clan like a good mafia footsoldier, and though he’ll never get out of jail, neither will he—let’s face it—do time in Attica’s supermax wing with the child rapers and guys who ate their grandmothers’ kidneys. It’s easy to imagine Madoff is smiling inside just a little. Does that sound strange, and perhaps cynical? Yeah, it does until you think about it.

Consider for a moment how, in this post-millennial reality, we’ve become so jaded regarding the term “billions”. Not too many years ago you rarely heard that word uttered aloud by anyone other than an astronomer. So to put this Madoff thing in perspective, let’s just pretend the word doesn’t exist. Thus restrained, we now have to refer to him as a guy who stole—not one million, not fifty million—but 999 million dollars 60 times, and walked into jail without divulging where any of it went. Still think he isn’t smiling just a little? 

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Swindles & Scams Feb 18 2009
STICKY WICKET
Trust me, I'm a banker.

Yesterday in the U.S., the Securities and Exchange Commission accused investment banker and cricket mogul Allen Stanford of operating a multi-billion dollar banking swindle. Stanford is a native of Texas, but relocated years ago to the Caribbean, where he built a cricket empire on the island of Antigua that includes an international tournament and a cricket stadium. While the SEC was busy this morning officially filing charges in federal court, depositors made runs on Stanford-owned banks in Antigua, Panama and Venezuela. Also today, the Times UK reported that Stanford had lost money to swindler extraordinaire Bernie Madoff and lied to cover it up. The flamboyant Stanford, who last year was caught on television during a match pulling one cricket player’s wife into his lap and flirting with others, has not been seen in public.

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Hollywoodland Dec 30 2008
ACHIN' BACON
$50 billion swindle snares another star.

Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick reportedly are the latest Tinseltowners taken in by Ponzi-schemer extraordinaire Bernie Madoff. We haven’t touched on the Madoff story here at Pulp Intl. because you can get the info from virtually any paper or website in the world. But when we heard the scandal had snared Kevin Bacon, we went, “Oh, hell no.”

No reports yet how much money the couple lost, but they can take solace from the fact that even luminaries like Steven Spielberg and Jeffrey Katzenberg were fooled by Madoff. In the meantime, we have a feeling financial need might bring that rumored Footloose sequel a little closer to fruition.

Now, on another note, Pulp Intl. would like to present a challenge: Read up on the mechanics of a Ponzi scheme and please inform us how it’s different from the U.S. Federal Reserve. Because try as we might, the only distinction we can see is that when the Fed doesn’t have enough money, it prints more. We’re just saying, that’s all.

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History Rewind
The headlines that mattered yesteryear.
November 27
1934—Baby Face Nelson Killed
In the U.S., killer and bank robber Baby Face Nelson, aka Lester Joseph Gillis, dies in a shoot-out with the FBI in Barrington, Illinois. Nelson is shot nine times, but by walking directly into a barrage of gunfire manages to kill both of his FBI pursuers before dying himself.
November 26
1922—Egyptologists Enter Tut's Tomb
British Egyptologists Howard Carter and Lord Carnarvon become the first people to enter the tomb of Pharaoh Tutankhamun in over 3000 years. Though sometimes characterized as scholars, Carter and Carnarvon were primarily interested in riches, and cut up Tut's mummy to more easily obtain the jewels and gold affixed to him.
November 25
1947—Hollywood Blacklist Instituted
The day after ten Hollywood writers and directors are cited for contempt of Congress for refusing to give testimony to the House Committee on Un-American Activities, the group, known as the "Hollywood Ten," are blacklisted by Hollywood movie studios.
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