Chestnuts roasting by an open fire.
After a few weeks of uncharacteristically normal models, the guys from Goodtime Weekly get back to business as usual with a photo from Ron Vogel and model who is—there’s no other phrase—enormously endowed. Autumn is here, after all, so perhaps she symbolizes the stockpiling of food for winter, the horn of plenty filled with inexhaustible gifts, the warmth sought on cold nights. Or maybe they just liked big boobs. Anyway, we said last week we’d try a few of the Goodtime quips in the real world, and, “Ahhh!” Ahhh haaah!” was usually the reaction. Or, “That’s, um—where did you hear that?” But a few went over well. So experiment inconclusive. We’ll continue testing during the next couple of weeks, because the American expat clique has a few Halloween related social gatherings coming up. When we’re done with this experiment we will know definitively whether Goodtime Weekly humor is timeless, or should simply be forgotten.
Oct 20: “Mother-in-law: A woman who arranged a match for her daughter and then intends to referee as well.”—Pat Buttram
Oct 21: “Bar bells are sometimes easier to pick up than bar bills.”—Sam Cowling
Oct 22: “The wife of an archaeologist says, ‘The older I get the better I look to my husband.’”—Phyllis Diller
Oct 23: “A bore is a person who talks when you wish him to listen.”—Ambrose Bierce
Oct 24: Cars are not the only things that can hit and run a man down; gossipers have done worse.
Oct 25: “A perfect husband is one who can understand every word his wife isn’t saying.”—Sig Sakowicz
Oct 26: “Some wives cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go,”—Freddie Flintstone
When she says jump you ask how high.
Some call it cheesecake, glamour, or even smut, but we prefer to call it preserving the ephemera of history. For instance, this image by the renowned mid-century photographer Bruno Bernard, aka Bernard of Hollywood, did not exist on the internet a moment ago. And now it does. See how that works? So think of us as archivists, and yourselves as researchers. That probably won’t help if someone sees you looking at this image, but hey, it’s worth a try.
Of late, when reading the Goodtime Weekly quips, we’ve been imagining them delivered as part of a stand-up show—i.e., followed by uproarious laughter. That actually helps a bit. When we obey the two drink minimum that helps even more. Next we’re going to steal a few of these lines and try them out in the real world. After all, the true test of a quip is whether actual living and breathing, flesh and blood humans laugh at it. So we’re going to give some of these a trial run and get back to you. Stay tuned.
Oct 13: Mother Nature still blushes before disrobing.
Oct 14: “Sometimes a man pulls the wool over his wife’s eyes with the wrong yarn.”—Mitch Miller
Oct 15: “Have you heard of an elephant that went on a diet? Now he’s eating like a horse.”—Peggie Castle
Oct 16: “The ten best years of a woman’s life are between her 25th and 26th birthday.”—Jerry Lester
Oct 17: “Overheard at a restaurant: ‘She promised to love, honor, and obey. Now I’d settle for only one.’”—Irv Kupcinet
Oct 18: “Every husband knows the best time to wash the dishes is right after his wife tells him.”—Paul Gibson
Oct 19: “Husbands are like furnaces. You have to watch them or they’ll go out.”—Sam Cowling
Guess nobody told her using cosmetics sparingly gives the best results.
Russ Meyer is back with another shot for the Goodtime Weekly Calendar of 1963, and there are immediately two points of interest here. First, Meyer found a model he liked that didn’t have double-d boobs, which is very equal opportunity of him, considering his track record. Second, the model went nuts around the eyes with her makeup. Words of advice—you know you’ve drawn a little too much arch in your eyebrows if random people keep looking at you and saying, “I’m sorry, did you just ask me something?”
Oct 6: The blue sky and golden leaves are really beautiful—even the wind whistles at them.
Oct 7: “Domestic harmony is music produced only if the husband plays second fiddle.”—Freddie Flintstone
Oct 8: “I have my wife well trained; she never opens my letters—unless they’re marked ‘personal’.”—Jack Herbert
Oct 9: An expensive wife is like a commanding officer at war. Whatever store she is in, she yells, “Charge!”
Oct 10: Yawning is a device of nature to enable husbands to open their mouths.
Oct 11: “All domestic trouble stems from two things—women and their mothers.”—Sam Cowling
Oct 12: “Today we honor Christopher Columbus—only in America could it happen!”
There’s no horse or carriage, but if you want, we can go on a different type of hayride.
This week’s page from the Goodtime Calendar of 1963 features the work of German born glamour photographer Peter Basch, whose photography appeared in magazines like Life, Look, and Playboy. This particular model is unknown to us, but during his career Basch photographed pretty much every prominent celebrity, among them Mansfield, Bardot, Andress, Belmondo, Mastroianni, Brando, Dali, Cocteau, Monroe, et. al., and published them in numerous photography books that sold well and made his name internationally known. Some of those appear below, with cover stars Candice Bergen, TIna Louise, and Brigitte Skay.
As the end of the year grows near, the Goodtime editors seem to be running on empty with their quips. We still can’t figure out why they can get images from some of the best photographers of the day, but can’t find better quotes. Since speech is free for anyone to use as long as it’s attributed, they have access to pretty much everything that has ever been said by humans in all of history, but instead settle for the wisdom of guys like Jim Conway and Johnny Morgan. Oh well. It’s a mystery.
Sep 29: Men really understand women—some say they don’t because it’s cheaper that way.
Sep 30: A fence between makes love more keen—German Prov.
Oct 1: Women’s slacks: Cutting to get to the bottom of every figure problem.
Oct 2: Modern wife: A woman who knows her husband’s favorite dishes and the restaurants that serve them.
Oct 3: “A man never knows that a woman has any old clothes until he marries her.”—Jim Conway
Oct 4: “If it wasn’t for marriage, husbands would have to fight with strangers.”—Johnny Morgan
Oct 5: “The only time an experienced husband puts his foot down is when his wife’s finished vacuuming under it.”—Henry Morgan
What do you say we park it right here?
This week’s slate of Goodtime Weekly Calendar quips features an offering from Groucho Marx, which makes us wonder why the calendar guys didn’t borrow from him more often. Maybe it’s because he was actually funny. And that Freddie Flintstone guy appears again. The debate of whether he’s actually the cartoon character is settled. Definitely isn’t him. But we still can’t find any references to a comic or personality who borrowed the character’s name. This week’s photo is once again by the unknown photographer who called himself L.W., and it’s the last image we’ll be seeing from him until December, but a very nice one of an unidentified red-headed model who’d look right at home in the cast of Mad Men. We’re now halfway through the Goodtime Weekly Calendar of 1963, and you can visit all those earlier pages by clicking here.
Sep 22: “Success is relative; the more success you have, the more relatives.”—Ernie Simon
Sep 23: “A woman’s yawn may be annoying, but it’s a lot less dangerous than her sigh.”—Freddie Flintstone
Sep 24: “I could never be a test pilot. I get dizzy just licking an air mail stamp.”—Groucho Marx
Sep 25: The trouble with the United Nations is like elephants making love—everything goes on at such a high level.
Sep 26: A lot of women have no respect for age—unless it’s in furniture.
Sep 27: Love, smoke, and a cough cannot be hid.”—French Prov.
Sep 28: A joyful autumn is before the leaves start to fall and the lawn no longer needs to be mowed.
A better world can start right here in this bathtub.
Above is nice photo of an unidentified model from photog L.W. for the week beginning September 15, 1963. We still have no idea who L.W. is, but as always, nice work. This shot is particularly flattering and respectful. The Goodtime Weekly editors, on the other hand, are up to their old tricks putting women down. Some weeks their collections of comments can be kind of cute, but this week’s quips see women labeled suspicious, annoying, and empty-headed. Gotta say, we find it curious the Goodtime guys are so convinced men are smarter than women, especially since men have been running the world since before the dawn of recorded history and the planet is well and truly fucked. Doesn’t really seem like the work of brilliant thinkers. Sorry to break ranks guys, but it had to be said. Also, our girlfriends like it when we agree with them. And that’s smart.
Sep 15: “Call a rose by any other name and she’ll think you’ve been cheating on her.”—Freddie Flintstone
Sep 16: If you take all that make-up off some women, you’ll find them invisible.
Sep 17: “Adam was the happiest man on Earth—he had no mother-in-law.”—Sam Cowling
Sep 18: Holding on to a man is usually harder than to get one.
Sep 19: “A sewing circle: A group of women who needle each other.”—Barry Sullivan
Sep 20: Kindergarten teacher: A woman who makes the little things count.
Sep 21: “Before falling for a pair of bright eyes make sure it isn’t the sun shining thru the back of her head.”—Henry Cooke
The chameleon has no clothes.
This page from the Goodtime Weekly Calendar of 1963 marks the week beginning forty-nine years ago today, and has an image of a very rare, wild American chameleon. You may be thinking that the photographer, credited only as L.G., photographed this one before she shifted to blend in with the background. But no—this is after she’s changed. These unusual creatures have woefully inadequate camouflage skills. Their skin only changes after a lot of exposure to the sun, and then it only turns brown. But they don’t know that. Notice the smirk? It’s because she thinks she’s totally invisible. Sad, really.
Sep 8: “It’s amazing how many things a girl can do without before she’s married.”—Henry Morgan
Sep 9: Aftermath: A retired math teacher.
Sep 10: “Women’s clothes should express what they're doing. From the looks of things, some dames don’t do much.”—Arnold Glasow
Sep 11: A lot of women are like cats. They lick themselves with their tongues.
Sep 12: “Adding machines are really trustworthy; you can count on them.”—Sam Cowling
Sep 13: He who is a fool kisses the maid when he may kiss the mistress.
Sep 14: Love can make any place agreeable—Arabian Prov.
She knows how to cultivate good feelings.
Above, the September 1 page from the Goodtime Weekly Calendar of 1963 with a photo by Ron Vogel of a petite model lounging in the garden in an unclothed state. She has two drinks because when you’re out in the hot sun you have to stay hydrated. Either that or she’s waiting for a friend. The observations this week include one from radio personality John Doremus, and another from Freddie Flintstone. We’re actually starting to think the Flintstone quotes are not actually from the television cartoon. We’ve seen the show, and we can’t imagine Fred making a quip that features the words “bonds” and “interest.” And besides, why refer to him as Freddie? He was always called Fred, as far as we know. Anyone with insight on this question, drop us a line.
Sep 1: Jaywalking: A bad habit that may give you that run-down feeling.
Sep 2: “Labor Day: When cops didn’t hide behind traffic signs, they took their chances like everyone else.”—Pat Sheridan
Sep 3: “A wolf is a guy who picks up your chick instead of your check.”—Sam Cowling
Sep 4: “A woman begins to realize her age when people comment on how young she looks.”—John Doremus
Sep 5: Ballet teacher: A guy who keeps the rest on their toes.
Sep 6: “The bonds of matrimony are not very strong unless the interest is kept up.”—Freddie Flintstone
Sep 7: “Some people can trace their families back for centuries but don’t know where their kids were last night.”—Mitch Miller.
Goodtime Inc. makes the end of summer a little more bareable.
The end of summer is always bittersweet, but the Goodtime Calendar of 1963 softens the blow with another image from the mysterious L.W., this one of a barbecuing beauty tending some hot meat. Goodtime’s weekly quips often include insights from unexpected sources. Just last week it was Fred Flintstone. This time it’s none other than Albert Einstein. His inclusion actually makes sense, since he is well known for a quote about a hot stove and a pretty girl. Well, not a quote, really. It was the abstract from a paper he wrote for the Journal of Exothermic Science and Technology in 1938. If you don’t know it, in its full, original form, it goes like this: “When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute and it's longer than any hour. That’s relativity.” His and others’ insights below:
Aug 25: “The strangest dog is the hot dog—it always feeds the hand that bites it,”—Sam Cowling
Aug 26: Women: The sex that believes that if you charge it, it’s not spending.
Aug 27: “Unless a woman can read a guy like a book he’ll never make her best fella list.”—Henry Morgan
Aug 28: The trouble with being faithful is that you got to have a chance to prove it.
Aug 29: Women often do not understand opinions but seldom mistake acts.
Aug 30: “Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing.”—Albert Einstein
Aug 31: It's forbidden fruit that’s responsible for many a bad jam.
It must be her hundredth dive.
Above, a page from the Goodtime Weekly Calendar of 1963 with an image from Burton McNeely, who when last seen a couple of months ago was working above water, but this time decided to try a new perspective with a scuba diving model. She’s obviously on her hundredth descent (for those who don’t know, tradition in the tropics is to celebrate dive number one hundred by going in naked, but how forcefully you’re encouraged to do so depends either on what you look like or how much you had to drink when the subject came up). Anyway, the results here are rather nice. Can’t wait to see dive two-hundred. The quotes this week are as usual, including a musing from that acclaimed social critic Fred Flintstone.
Aug 18: “A lie could run around the world before truth could get its pants on.”—Cordell Hull
Aug 19: Raving beauty: A girl who finishes last in a beauty contest.
Aug 20: A farmer’s sign on the field for corn-strippers: “How would you like to be stripped in public?”
Aug 21: “No matter how high you hang an awning, in summer it’s only a shade above the street.”—Sam Cowling
Aug 22: “Men pay for alimony because it’s the supporting thing to do.”—Freddie Flintstone
Aug 23: Sign in a furniture store: Best beds in town for love or money.
Aug 24: Points to ponder: If sex is really such a driving force, why is so much of it found parked?
 |
 |
